Hey there, all! You've been bored before, right? Of course you have. You're probably bored right now. The worst kind of boredom for me is lonely boredom.
At first, you think being alone and having the whole day to yourself will be great. Then you realize that you actually desperately crave human contact, as horrible as it might be. "No!", you tell yourself. "I'm going to enjoy my beautiful day of solitude!" So, I'm going to walk you through the steps of my own personal boredom.
1: Is there anything in the fridge?
Step one starts us off with walking to the fridge, opening it, and staring at the food. You aren't actually that hungry, and honestly aren't sure there's anything that even sounds tasty. The fridge is there, however. The fridge has always been there when you needed it, so you must pay your respects. You will probably close the fridge, deciding not to eat anything. You'll come back in about five minutes and open it again, as if something may have changed. Repeat as necessary.
2: Watch some T.V.
Good old television could never let you down, right? Law and Order reruns, all day, every day -- unless it's Law and Order: Criminal Intent. It just doesn't live up to the standard of quality I've come to expect from Law and Order. If you can't find Law and Order, try checking the fridge again.
3: Lay in the middle of the floor and see how long you can hold your breath.
You don't have to lay on the floor for this one, but I find it helps. When you're bored enough, there's a lot of fun to be had with testing the limits of your own body! What more extreme way to do this than to lay on the floor and hold your breath? I really need a hobby.
4: Google hobbies that don't cost money!
So Google says writing is a great hobby that doesn't cost money. It also says origami. So...
5: Try origami!
I am awful at this.
6: Quit origami!
For real, it's way too hard.
7: Go back to the fridge.
Here's the catch, though, this time actually get something to eat. I suggest making grilled cheese, as it will give you something to do for a good fifteen minutes. Try to make it take as long as possible, because you aren't actually hungry. You're eating because you're bored.
8: Go outside!
Then go right back in, because the outside world is scary and dangerous. There's germs and plague, and robots. You don't want any of that. Stay inside, it's so comfortable.
9: See how long it takes an ice cube to melt!
I actually did this. Seven minutes and thirteen seconds. In all honesty, it was kind of an intense experience, like meditation. Highly recommend, 9/10.
10: Write an article about your day!
I'm not kidding. This is legitimately what I did today. I regret absolutely nothing. If you'll excuse me, I need to go check the fridge.