10 Things I've Said To The Puppy That Would Be Weird If I Said Them To A Human
Start writing a post

10 Things I've Said To The Puppy That Would Be Weird If I Said Them To A Human

We recently got a new puppy and over her short time here, I've noticed that I've said some pretty weird things to her that would be inappropriate if I said them to another person.

10 Things I've Said To The Puppy That Would Be Weird If I Said Them To A Human
Invader Bethany

We recently got a new puppy a few months ago, and over her short time here, I've noticed that I've said some pretty weird things to her that would be considered inappropriate if I said them to another person or if the phrases were taken out of context, so I thought I would be fun to share them.

Also shes a coonhound/ boxer/ black lab mix who we named Shelby. She strongly resembles the coonhound in appearance and often has her nose to the grown sniffing things much like a hound. Its not very important information to know for this article but I'm sure somebody would probably be wondering about that.

1. "Shelby, You Wanna Bone Girl?"

This one is pretty self explanatory. She was being a good pup so I gave her a treat. However, I realized what it sounded like I was asking soon after I said said it.

2. *laughter* "That Doesn't Fit In Your Mouth Too Well Does it Baby?"

Another accidentally perverted sounding thing that I've said to the dog.

One of Shelby's favorite "toys" are empty water bottles despite having many dog toys to play with. Sometimes we get the big jugs of water instead of the individual water bottles. One day someone put one of the big plastic empty water jugs in her yard. She kept trying to pick up the big water bottle but it was too big for her mouth so it kept falling out of her mouth. Shed make a step or two and out the water bottle would fall. She didn't want to give up though so she kept trying to pick it up and trying to carry it. It was pretty funny and cute.

3. "Good Girl! You Made Such A Big Poop!"

She pooped in the yard. Shes mostly potty trained now but we still make a big deal out of her using the yard to enforce the good behavior. She also gets a treat afterwards.

Congratulating a human on a big poop they made would be very weird and awkward. Someone may say it to a baby but honestly its still weird because if the baby could understand what was being said and had any bit of knowledge about social norms, it would feel pretty embarrassed about the situation.

4. "No! Piss Outside! Go Outside! Uggg Shelby!"

She sometimes pees or poops inside on the floor on accident. It usually happens very late at "night" (dark out = night. I don't care that other people don't agree with me.) in the very early ams (3 or 4 am) or early morning like 6 to 8 am. We can't let her out if we happen to be asleep nor can we even hear her barking/whining sometime because of sleep.

Telling a human to piss outside? Good luck with that. Yes some people on occasion will do so if they really have to go badly, but many people do not want to piss outside if they know there is access to a toilet inside the building along with toilet paper. They would be pretty unhappy if they could no longer use the inside toilet. Even an outhouse would be better than pissing in the grass where there bugs and where anyone could watch you...

5. "I'm Gonna Get ya! I'm Gonna Get'ch ya!" *Laughs*

If I said this to a person it could be considered scary or creepy. They might even think that I'm insane and fear for their lives. It would not go over well.

I tell Shelby that I'm going to get her almost every time I chase after her. She loves to play keep away. Its Shelby's favorite. Most of the time a toy or water bottle is what she is holding while running but sometimes (rarely) she just runs and wants you to chase her. If she has a toy/water bottle, I play tug of war with her if I catcher her. Shes very fast and theres no way I can keep up. She slows down after awhile and lets me catch her though. I think she feels sorry for me, so she lets me win which is really nice and cute since shes only a 3 month old puppy and I would expect her to be more selfish than that. Shes a really sweet and nice dog when she isn't playing super rough; play biting hard enough to make your arms bleed a tad or tackling you from behind when your sitting down. She can also be a little scary when shes being protective over a bone. Anyways, shes 96% of the time a great dog and she doesn't mean to get so over excited. Like I mentioned before she normally runs with a toy but if she has no toy/water bottle, I pet her and rub her belly while saying "I got you. I got you." over and over again if I catch her and she wags her tail like crazy.

6. "I've got Some Stuff I Need To Get Done Today. I'm very Sorry and I'll Make Up For It Later. Here, Take This Toy And Go Have Some Fun With Your Self."

Take this toy and go have some fun with your self... Another perverted sounding comment that I said to the puppy that had a very different meaning.

I genuinely feel bad about not spending enough time with Shelby and I feel bad about not talking with my friends enough but I would never get anything done or make any money if I didn't "ignore" them for awhile from time to time. I'm honestly a horrible friend. I barely hang out with anyone and lately you might hear from me once a week or less if you are my friend. I feel bad about that as well. I use social interaction as a reward for getting done what I need to. I realize that its not the most healthy thing to do and worsens my depression if its done long term but its what I do and it normally helps me get things done. Obviously I can't do that with the puppy cause she has needs and can't take care of her self, but I will leave her alone for a few hours, even if she wants to play, just so I can work on something. And even though she can't understand me or understand the concept of being busy or the concept of working, I still explain that I'm busy and apologize to her because I feel so bad about it.

7. "Can I Pet You?"

Dogs don't really normally have a say in wether they will be petted or not. If they were to growl at you or bite you for petting them when they don't want to be touched, they would get in trouble for trying to tell you no, so they just have to put up with it. However there are some small visual signs dogs give that mean no than many people ignore such as licking lips or nose, tense up of the body, or backing away a tad from your hand. I feel bad that this happens to dogs so I ask her right this before petting and look closely to see how she is reacting to being petted. If Shelby shows signs of saying no, I stop. Sometimes I pet the air in her view and ask can I pet you to give her a visual clue about what I'm asking. I'm not sure if she understands yet though.

If you asked a human if you could pet them they would probably give your a weird look and think wtf. It would go over not well.

8. " Aww Wiggle Butt!"

Shelby sometimes wags her tail so much or so hard that her butt shakes left and right as well. Shes very happy and its pretty cute when it happens. However if you think of a human wiggling their butt you might think about somebody twerking and thats a lot less cute.

9. "Dat feel Good Girl?"

Shelby loves belly rubs. All I have to say is belly rubs and she will lay on her back with her belly up. Sometimes when I am rubbing her belly, she kicks a back leg/foot. Thats when I normally make a comment that must feel good.

10. "Uggg You're Getting So Big And Heavy."

The puppy is getting taller, and weighs more because shes healthy and growing up. Its a good thing, but she does not realize that she is bigger now. She still tries to jump up on your lap. Shes heavier and she barely still fits on laps. Its also tougher to pick her up now. In a month or less, its going to be impossible.

Telling a human female than she is getting big and heavy when she sits on your lap or when you pick her up would not go over well at all. Its for sure not a smart thing to tell a girl. Hopefully many people reading this have not made this mistake.

What are some weird things you have said to your pets that would be weird if you said to another person? Comment below to let me know! Also If you would like to see some videos I filmed of my new puppy Shelby, you can check those out on my youtube channel.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.


The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments