DISCLAIMER:
Please note that this is just an exaggeration of a certain type of scenario people face when texting a boy. I am highly aware of the climate we have in this 21st century and in no way want to promote the need for girls to seek validation from men in any way. However, speaking from personal experience stuff like this does indeed happen, albeit on a less dramatized scale, so no one should take any
1. The Initiation
It all began with "hi." Or no, maybe I should make it a "hey." Is that too forward? We're not that friendly and I only have his number from pretending to need his help on that math project. Sh*t. Maybe "heyy"? Oh god, who am I, El Desperado? Jesus. Calm down fool. It's just a text. He's not going to hate you for saying hi... but like maybe add two 'I's" so he doesn't think you're some heartless bitch. Okay. Sent.
...............
Oh f*ck me I should've just said "hey."
2. The Response
Okay, whatever it doesn't matter, he'll be okay with it, he's cool, he's no- OH MY GOD HE"S TEXTING ME BACK!
"911 what's your emergency?"
"HE"S TEXTING ME BACKKKK ASDFGHJKL@##$%^&@&!"
"Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you not to call this number for such matters. There are people in serious danger right now." *dial tone*
Whoops. Okay, he's been typing for a while now. I mean, it's literally been like 20 seconds and in text time that's like 10 minutes. What could he be possibly saying?
"Heyy."
He said "heyy." HEYY. hEyY!!! With TWO Y's!
YAAAASSS BIHHHH AHUAAAA!
3. The Emoji Battle
Okay, okay don't go crazy. Now we just need to get this moving into an actual conversation. So don't you dare say "what's up" that's asking for a "Nm" and your heart will disintegrate. THINK.
"I heard there was a game last night? How was it?" Perfect. Wait. Maybe I should add an emoji? Like a football or maybe just the inquisitive eyes? Is that too much? I don't want to seem like a child. He's clearly into women. And by Jove, I am a woman. No emojis pshhh.
Send
"It was amazing! The ball went into the crowd and landed in one of my friends' food *laughing emoji*"
:(
4. The Read Receipts
Okay, no problem. Simple damage control. You can just use an emoji in your next response. Let's see.
"Oh god that's hilarious! *laughing emoji*" Hahahaha you shall soon BE MINE!
"He was totally eating balls then!"
Send
Wait. OH F***
Noooooooooooooo!
Why cruel world? Why must you despise me so?
5. The Waiting Game
Hahahahaha he hasn't responded yet and it's been 20 minutes hahahahaha don't worry he doesn't think you're a freak or anything hahahahahaha you'll be fine hahahahahaha he's probably just having a gruesome allergic reaction or something hahahahahaha totally valid hahahahahaha.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
6. The Sadness - Theme A (transposed to the key of FML flat major)
Hello Darkness My Old Friend
I've come to talk with you again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
I'm all on my own.
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why.
Fin.
7. The Miss Independent
You know what? Anyone who takes over 30 minutes to reply to my texts clearly doesn't deserve me anyways. I am a strong independent woman who needs no man and honestly he wasn't even that cute anyway. I mean, yeah he was gifted musically and loved that one book I showed him the other day and is hotter than the center of the earth but to be honest really not all that at the end of the day and HE IS TYPING SOMETHING PRAISE THE LORD HALLELUJAH IT IS A GREAT DAY TO SERVE THE LORD COME THRUUU JESUS!
8. The "Last Night took an L but tonight I bounce back"
"Haha that's true, never thought of it that way. You have a really great sense of humor we should hang out more."
Preparing the ovaries for combustion Commander.
9. The Goodbye
Okay, I think it's time to end this. Leave him wanting more. Can't give him everything in one go.
"Sounds like a plan! We can do something after school tomorrow. Just let me know. See ya!"
Mission Accomplished.
10. The Group Chat
SCREENSHOT
SCREENSHOT
SCREENSHOT
SCREENSHOT
SCREENSHOT
SCREENSHOT
"Ohhhhh bishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Oh god he loves your sense of humor and you're not even funny!"
"Yeah but why did he take 20 minutes to reply here?"
"Oh yeah girl make sure he's not trying to play you..."
"Yeah these are f***boy signs!"
"Yeah see what he said in Article 13 Section 7?"
"Oh yeah I se-"
"Mhm that's no-"
"Yep I agr-"
What would I ever do without them?
