We all remember it. We remember the butterflies in our stomach, the nervous laughs. We remember running to our friends whenever the slightest thing happened and telling them every last detail because if you left even the smallest part out, it somehow wouldn't have the same effect. The "it" I am referring to is a first relationship.

I remember mine like it was yesterday. I also remember the end of it. I remember everything bad that had to happen before I decided to end it. I remember the tears and the heartache. I also remember the next five months, and the bi-weekly appointments I had with a therapist. I learned a lot, about myself, healthy relationships, and the world in general. Here are my top 10 take-aways:

1. If no one around you likes him, there is probably a reason.

I'm not saying that if after a week of dating your roommate decides not to like him you should leave. I'm saying that if seven months into the relationship you find that not a single one of your best friends cares for him, you should consider that a warning. Yes, you may be seeing a side of him they aren't, but you might not be seeing everything else. Your compassion for him may be blinding you to all the ways he is using you. Your true friends will support you regardless, but at least listen to what they have to say.

2. If he violated your trust once, he will do it again.

I am a huge believer in second chances, but I also believe in the saying Do it once shame on you, do it twice shame on me. You have to understand what it is that he has done and his likelihood to do it again. Look at his personality and look at the circumstances. Ask yourself if it would be okay if he was to do it again, if the answer is a no, remember that.

3. He knows you, and he knows exactly what to say to get you to stay.

Maybe last night was awful, but that apology was beautiful and he said all the right things and he really meant it, right? Maybe. But you should realize that he knows you and he knows exactly what you want to hear. He might be saying it because he understands that is what you want him to say, and not because that is how he is feeling.

4. It is OK to go out of your way to make him happy, just make sure he is doing the same.

I'm the type of person who would give my last five dollars to someone if I thought they needed it. I get joy by doing nice things for others. It is nothing for me to stop what I'm doing and bring Cane's to a boyfriend if he is hungry or run to get him medicine when he is sick. I still don't think this is an issue, so long as he is doing the same for you in return. Giving without getting anything in return can take a lot out of a person. There is no guilt in being a little bit selfish.

5. If you don't enjoy something, don't do it.

I don't mean that if you don't like sports you shouldn't sit down and watch a game every once in a while. I mean if there is something that you truly hate doing and don't want to do, he should not be pressuring you into doing it. He should respect you when you say no, and if he doesn't you should understand what it means when he continues after you've said it.

6. Don't apologize for being yourself, in the end you'll forget who you were.

So he thinks your dress is a little short, don't wear it around him, but don't stop wearing short dresses all together. Maybe he blushes when you break out in song in the car, don't stop on his account. It may seem like one little thing, but eventually you'll stop doing the things that made you who you were.

7. Don't neglect your other relationships.

A good boyfriend strengthens your relationships with others, not takes from them. It's normal to spend a lot of time with your boyfriend, especially in the beginning, just make sure that he doesn't end up being your only friend. Boys will come and go, but true friends will always be there for you.

8. It's OK if he's not a fan of something you do, it's not okay if he criticizes everything you do.

So he doesn't like the way you only shower every other day, you might not like the way he farts in your direction. No one is perfect, and you're not going to like everything about each other, but he should like something. Date Paula Abdul not Simon Cowell.

9. It is NOT your fault if he doesn't love you.

You are a beautiful person who has endless possibilities in life. You care for people and wear your heart on your sleeve, and you can't change that, nor should you want to. Likewise, he can't control who he loves. Even if you think he may love you somewhere deep down inside, he has to let himself feel that. If he doesn't feel everything you do, that's OK. Don't blame yourself for not being enough for him, that wasn't it at all. Love is tricky, and this just wasn't it. There is no fault there.

10. You were OK before him, you will be OK after him. Eventually.

You lived before him. You smiled before him. You laughed before you ever even met him. You were a person long before this relationship existed. I know it seems like life will never be the same, and it probably won't, but it will be good again. You will smile and laugh long after he is gone. Yes, you will think of him from time to time, because he taught you about life. You shared yourself with him in a way you never had before, because he was your first real boyfriend, your first love, your first everything. I promise, with everything I am, that you will be happy again, without him.