10 Things Jews Are Tired Of Hearing During Christmas Time

1. OMG, I feel so bad you can't decorate a Christmas tree!

I mean, thanks for your sympathy, but I don't feel I'm missing a whole lot more than hanging a bunch of balls tied to string and a few lights on a dead tree. I hung up some Christmas lights in my dorm room and didn't get much thrill from that.

2. So, do all your presents go under the menorah since you don't have a Christmas tree?

Actually, normally my parents do put my presents under the menorah, but this year they put them next to the case of wine, so I'm not sure which is more symbolic.

3. Do you have a Chanukah Bush?

I don't even think that is a real thing. Who even wants a random dead bush in their house, anyway?

4. So, you don't believe in Santa Claus?

No, I do not believe in Santa Claus, just like every other grown child and adult in the world.

5. But wasn't Jesus Jewish, why wouldn't you celebrate his birthday?

For the same reason the whole world doesn't celebrate my birthday -- they don't have to.

6. If we do Secret Santa, can we call it that? Or is that offensive?

Im not even going to answer that.

7. Do you get all your presents on one night, or one every night?

It’s actually Jewish law that one present gets distributed every night. It’s funny how gullible you are -- it all just depends on how much your parents like you that year.

8. You can’t like Christmas movies, you are Jewish!

I get told this all the time. Who are you to tell me what I do or do not like -- my mother? And, furthermore, Christmas movies are actually my favorite movies. I don't discriminate religions!

9. Do you listen to Christmas music?

No, I chop my ears off for the whole month of December.

10. Doesn’t it suck that you have to go to school and do work on Chanukah?

It sucks on a normal day to go to school and do work so what makes this time any different?

11. So what are your Christmas plans?

Obviously, I'm going to stay in and order Chinese food and watch movies (probably Christmas movies, because I love Christmas movies) and, no, I am not being sarcastic about this one.