It’s mid-April, which means that here in Montana, we can officially call the season “spring.” Although springtime is lovely (baby animals, nicer weather, blooming flowers), there’s also some pretty terrible things about the spring season. So without further ado, I present to you a list of the ten worst things about springtime.
1. Allergies
My body is actively trying to kill me.
2. People who claim they don’t have allergies.
So you’re telling me that you honestly don’t suffer through a perpetually runny nose and swollen/bloodshot eyes? Did you make a deal with the devil to have this power? Plus they’re just insufferable about it. Take your unplugged nose and clear eyes elsewhere, kthxbye.
3. Temperamental weather
Is it spring? Or summer? Or is it just still winter?
4. It’s always nicest outside when you’re stuck inside.
Have a ten page paper due or an important test to study for? It’s sunny and 60°. Have the weekend free and want to be outside? It’s probably snowing.
5. People are always wanting to do things.
On the flip side of #4, people start actively trying to make plans and sometimes all you want to do is nothing. It’s perfectly socially acceptable to lay in bed all weekend bingeing Parks and Rec in the dead of winter, but not so much in the spring.
6. It’s impossible to dress for the weather.
You start off your day dressed like Ron Swanson, and as soon as you start to feel too warm and take a layer off, it starts snowing.
7. There are no special foods for spring.
In the winter you have peppermint mochas and Christmas cookies and hearty soups. In the fall you have pumpkin pie, PSLs, and fun sized halloween candy. In the summer you have berries and lemonade and berry lemonade. What special things does spring have? Absolutely nothing.
8. The Return of the Bugs™
Easily the best thing about fall is that all the bugs die and roast in hell where they belong. The problem with spring is they start to emerge from their demonic cocoons to torture us again.
9. Attempting to tell the difference between actual bees and wasps could get you killed.
Bees, sweet ‘lil bzz bzz honey bees are incredibly important and they just want to bzzzz around pollinating flowers and making honey. Satan’s Right Hand Men, (aka wasps, hornets, yellow jackets), are horrible and terrible and their sole purpose on earth is to sting you and make you miserable.
10. School is almost over, but that means finals are fast approaching.
Just wake me up when it’s over.
