10 Survival Tips for Batman

10 Survival Tips for Batman

Batman might make less mistakes if he followed these rules


1. Romantic partners are a bad idea. They invariably either die in horrific ways or turn out to be working for your arch nemesis.

2. Discreetly hire a quality fashion designer who won’t talk about their work. Get the designer’s input on your costume, or risk going out in public wearing rubber nipples. Or worse.

3. Fit your mask with a gadget that will modulate your voice. Your alternative is to snarl and gargle whenever you talk on duty, and this typically ruins the “imposing caped avenger” image. Old ladies will offer you throat lozenges when you’re trying to rescue them from burning buildings.

4. Keep track of your money and quietly move all of it to offshore accounts. This keeps you fiscally safe when someone tries to steal your company or the board decides a licentious playboy doesn’t need THAT much allowance.

5. Make a list of contractors who do specialized work without telling anyone. Eventually, you’ll want to have a hi-tech lair (or need to rebuild on after a skirmish) and you can’t magically do all the work yourself. Tech experts who are mute or owe you their lives are your best bet.

6. If you finally confront someone you’ve been tracking for weeks and they go into a long speech, this means they are getting ready to unleash something dangerous. However, they won’t do so until they finish talking. So ruin the moment. Interrupt them repeatedly or knock them out before they finish their first sentence.

7. Even if it’s not designed as a weapon, every device your company builds must have a “deactivate and melt down” option only you know about. Make sure it works remotely.

8. Before you confront the aforementioned foe, assume they have at least one trick up their sleeve that you don’t know about. Prepare accordingly.

9. If you have a domestic servant who’s raised you from childhood, has more life experience than you do, and who helps you on your missions, listen to his advice occasionally. He probably knows what he’s talking about.

10. However, no matter what your domestic servant says, do not trust your secret identity to whichever woman you’re currently having a fling* with.

*In this context, a “fling” can be defined as any relationship that lasts shorter than 2 movies.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Founders Of Color Q&A: Yarlap's MaryEllen Reider On Destigmatizing Women's Health

The father-daughter duo co-founded the brand and has since generated a passionate, dedicated community of women.

MaryEllen Reider

I was lucky enough to meet MaryEllen Reider over a decade ago as a fellow freshman in college. Since then, I had the luxury of being able to witness her evolution from the faithful companion I went to my first job fair with to the woman who is now a pioneer in destigmatizing the portrayal of women's reproductive health.

Keep Reading... Show less

My favorite Editor was feeling under the weather yesterday. All I wanted was to make her a vegan iced matcha latte. With distance forbidding it, I instead decided to write up this quick, easy recipe. I made it to be vegan and organic for optimal health benefits.

Matcha green tea is made from grounded green tea leaf and it comes with the most antioxidant boost ever.

Keep Reading... Show less

This coffee brand is USDA organic. Newman's Own Keurig coffee flavors are all organic. They have French Roast, Decaf, and a Special Blend. I'm in a committed relationship with the French Roast flavor. The smell alone from dispensing 1 cup of coffee sets a whole cafe jazz vibe.

I'm already relaxed when I smell the coffee all ready for dressing. The way I make my coffee is simple and sweet, literally. I add a spoon of organic brown sugar and a splash of organic almond vanilla milk. This cup of coffee has changed my life forever. I have never been so productive in my life and I truly believe it's because the coffee is organic.

Keep Reading... Show less

These organic, cruelty-free skincare products are great for hot, sweaty summers. I use them every day, so you will find my honest opinion about them all. I highly recommend using organic products because they are least likely to be harmful to your body.

This may seem like an extra step when it comes to your beauty routine, but it's really easy. These 5 products could be the start of your next beauty venture.

Keep Reading... Show less

These 5 Black Handbag Designers Should Be On Every Accessory Lover's Radar

With the push to support more Black-owned businesses, we've put together a list of Black owned handbag designers.

Ever since the current upheaval of societal silence happening in the country caused by the #BlackLivesMatter movement, there has been a bigger push for people to support Black-owned businesses.

Granted, there are a lot fo Black-owned businesses to support, it just takes time to find them. With that being said, fashion is a sector, just like any sector really, in a culture that still has people of color calling out for more diversity.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because Therapy Dogs Aren't Just Cute, They're Working

Your weekly wellness boost from Odyssey.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

There are many different ways people overcome obstacles in their lives. Thankfully, the stigma surrounding therapy is slowly (but surely) slipping away and we're opening up about our problems and needs. For some, a good workout is just as relaxing. Others are learning how meditation can be a helpful tool in their mental health journey.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments