Summer break has arrived, and with it comes a whole slew of summer blockbusters sure to slowly kill your brain cells with all the mindless action sequences and illogical plots. Even though most summer blockbuster hits offer little in terms of plot or character development, they still keep on coming. So in honor of all the terrible movies getting released this summer, here are 10 summer 2017 blockbusters that I am completely unexcited for.
1. "The Mummy" (June 9)
For some reason unknown to mummy-kind, a reboot of the Mummy series is on its way. Tom Cruise takes the reins this time in what is sure to be one of the biggest mistakes of his career. But hey, if anybody can bounce back from a failed Mummy film, it’s Cruise. This new entry in the series seems darker and more intense than the previous installments, and once again features some sort of ancient Mummy getting resurrected and causing havoc on the world. Great career move, Tom.
2. "Cars 3" (June 16)
The first “Cars” film was decent, then things went downhill with “Cars 2.” Now, it seems like we will reach the very bottom of the hill when “Cars 3” hits theaters this summer. Owen Wilson is back as Lightning McQueen in what just might be the most unnecessary Disney film ever made.
3. "Rough Night" (June 16)
Scarlett Johansson and Kate McKinnon star in this R-rated comedy about a bachelorette party that results in the death of a male stripper. I can only imagine that this plot line was thought up with a group of screenwriters sitting at a bar playing some sort of drinking game. They all probably had to take a shot and then shout the first idea that popped into their heads, one of which was “Bachelorette party and they accidentally kill the stripper.” It’s Hollywood gold.
4. "Transformers: The Last Knight" (June 21)
Hopefully “The Last Knight” is also “The Last Movie” in the Transformers franchise. The first Transformers film was good, but the rest have been one letdown after another. Each movie features hours and hours of constant robot fights and explosions, making for an exhausting viewing experience, and not in a good way. Maybe Mark Wahlberg can inject some decent acting into the franchise this time, but probably not.
5. "The House" (June 30)
This comedy stars Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler as parents who decide to turn to a life of crime in order to afford their daughter’s college tuition. Will Ferrell has not made a good movie in a while, so this still makes the list of likely movie letdowns. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Will and Amy can use their comedic charms to make this one at least tolerable, though.
6. "Amityville: The Awakening" (June 30)
This one is pretty self-explanatory. We don’t need any more Amityville movies. This one also has Bella Thorne of Disney Channel fame, just in case you needed a further reason not to see it.
7. "Spider-Man: Homecoming" (July 7)
Tom Holland’s version of Spidey gets his first solo movie this summer, and it actually might be good. Robert Downey Jr. will be appearing as Iron Man which should give it some potential. Let’s hope so.
8. "War for the Planet of the Apes" (July 14)
The two most recent “Planet of the Apes” movies were both pretty good, but with a human cast that seems to change with every movie it becomes hard to keep fans excited for the next installment. This time, we get Woody Harrelson as some sort of crazy anti-ape military general attempting to wipe out the entire ape population. Based on the trailers, his character seems a bit too ridiculous to be taken seriously.
9. "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" (July 21)
I’m really not sure what to make of this one. I just know it is based on a comic book and has a strange title. It seems to have plenty of aliens and interesting visual elements, but based on the trailer that is about it. Probably a classic case of style over substance. But I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover, so maybe this one won’t be too bad.
10. "The Emoji Movie" (July 28)
When I first saw this was coming out, I thought it was a joke. Are we really so out of ideas that we have to start making movies out of text message material? It would appear so. But hey, Hollywood managed to make a good movie out of Legos, so let’s hope they can also do something decent with emojis.
There you have it. There are just so many movies to not be excited for this summer, I can’t wait.


















