Do you know that magical feeling of biting into a fresh piece of chocolate? Or petting a golden retriever puppy? Feeling the warm air of spring after a long winter? There's one thing that trumps any of those experiences: Listening to Hozier. I have a new found love for Hozier...so much so that I have listened to his Spotify radio for two hours at a time almost every day. To be perfectly honest, after rewarding my ears with his heavenly voice for that long of a time, I feel pretty dead emotionally. Here is the emotional breakdown from listening to Hozier:
Stage 1: The Feels
Even if you've listened to Hozier a million times, every time his music starts, your body gets "the feels." Goosebumps start going up your body, even in places you didn't think goosebumps could exist. Your mind and body sync up and you start to feel spiritually connected to the music, as if you are a Na'vi person from Avatar praying at the Tree of Souls.
Stage 2: The "I have dust in my eyes..." teary phase
No matter what song comes on, you are bound to tear up in a matter of seconds. With head phones in, no one around you is able to understand where this sudden wave of emotions came from. Usually you'll have to take out an ear bud and explain to everyone that you're listening to Hozier but your teary eyes are "due to dust."
Stage 3: Silently sobbing to yourself
At a certain point, you're able to realize that your excuse for teary eyes will no longer work because you're actually going to cry. After relocating, the silent sobbing phase starts. Hozier's voice starts to massage your ears and the chills you already have are at an all time high. 
Stage 4: Violently sobbing
If you thought your silent sobs were bad, wait until it becomes violent. I'm talking screaming on the floor, "Cry Me A River" sobbing. Even if you're in your room alone, your next door neighbors are able to hear you. "Jeremy must be listening to Hozier again. I know how he feels."
Stage 5: Dancing uncontrollably with tears running down your face, pretending you're not crying.
Once you've collected yourself a little bit, you start to enjoy the music once more and start dancing to divert attention from your tears. This is a sort of denial phase where you tell yourself you're done crying yet Niagara Falls still comes from your eyes.
Stage 6: Convincing yourself you are Hozier
"Okay Jeremy stop. No more tears. You are Hozier. You are a God Warrior and can produce this beauty." Need I explain further?
Stage 7: Attempting to sing with/like Hozier
Since you've convinced yourself that you are Hozier, you think it's OK to sing along. You deepen your voice and hold something close to your face so it echoes a little and sounds like The Chosen One's voice.
*NOTE: Make sure you are alone in your room. 
Stage 8: Crying because you aren't Hozier.
At first, you thought your Hozier impression was on point but after taking out an ear bud, you realize how awful you sound compared to The Lord. You then relapse to your crying phase. 
Stage 9: Googling Hozier concert tickets
After giving up your dream of being Hozier, you decide to be practical and look for concert tickets. His concerts are like Beyoncé's in the sense that they are spiritual, but his go even further and have healing powers for eternity.
Stage 10: Crying because tickets are a lot of money.
This one always hits hardest because you understand that you will never get the pleasure of enjoying Hozier in person. Your chances of getting him to sign your forehead are trampled on, your dreams of stroking his hair is crushed, and you're forever forced to listen to his voice through headphones (it's great but it's not the same as listening in person).
By Stage 10, you no longer have feeling in your body. Your ears feel supernatural and the chills along your body have soothed you so much so that you feel as though you've left your own body. Your crying suddenly subsides and you are able to grasp one last sound clip of Hozier's voice. You are emotionally done for the day and no longer need Hozier's magical music. Although this may sound alarming, it is the purest form of pleasure you are able to ever reach. Take a deep breath, take out your head phones, observe the world around you and repeat this process daily.
Thank you Andrew Hozier-Byrne for all you have graced this Earth with.
