Spring break comes and goes, but the memories last forever. Oh, and do they, Royal Caribbean. For spring break, 34 of my pledge sisters and I embarked on a 4-night cruise that sailed (I use that term lightly because it felt more like riding a roller coaster) to Nassau, Coco Cay, and Key West, and to say the least, I was not impressed. Some people love to "cruise," but apparently, I will never be one of those people as I sit here four days later feeling like my apartment is on water. Don't get me wrong, Señor Frogs provided enough offshore entertainment to compensate for the lack of interest on the ship, but I just was not impressed. However, I am incredibly thankful for this experience and appreciate the fabulous tan I currently have. Here are 10 reasons why I will never cruise again.
1. I dreaded eating.
I wish I were exaggerating. By the last night, I would have rather starved than eat at the Windjammer Cafeteria or the Moonlight Dining Room again. I could have gotten a more decent meal at Applebee's or Golden Corral. Maybe I'm just high maintenance, but that was not what I paid $500 for2. The itinerary is not relaxing.
My idea of a vacation is not waking up every day with a plan and a schedule. Royal Caribbean's is. Maybe that's how you roll, but I feel like I need a vacation after my vacation.
3. Seeing the same strangers four days in a row is weird.
Shout out to the group of boys from Citadel that provided for more drama and entertainment than a group of 8th grade girls (I think one of them even went to cruise jail). Running into the same people literally everywhere you go (the dining room, the cafeteria, the pool, the beach, the taco shack in Key West) was just a really weird concept and was a little awkward. Welcome the uncomfortable hellos for four whole days.
4. They wake you up at the crack of dawn.
“GOOD MORNING, ROYAL CARIBBEAN GUESTS." Do you realize, lady, that it is still 7:34 in Alabama, and this is supposed to be my vacation. You put a speaker in my room and come on it every morning when the rooster crows, so my chances of going back to sleep are zero.
5. The rooms are less than glamorous.
My disappointment with the state of the room probably had something to do with the fact that I had spent three days at the Ritz Carlton before getting on board, but nevertheless, the stench in that bathroom is something I will never forget.
6. Drinking + Moving Boat = Bad Combination
The boat felt like it was in a hurricane the entire time but throw in some alcohol, and it feels like you are Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. We were popping Dramamine like T.I. pops bottles.
7. I felt like I was trapped.
Even though you get to get off of the boat every day, the feeling of claustrophobia is so real. You realize that you're in the middle of the ocean and can't get off until your next destination and actually become a little terrified.
8. There is a dining-room dress code.
I wouldn't have gone to dinner in Nike shorts and a t-shirt, but I still don't like being told what to do. Based on the food they were serving, I should have just worn my bathing suit.
9. They make you get off before the sun rises.
“Welcome back to America! We hope you enjoyed your vacation! Please be off the boat by 8:30 a.m." Royal Caribbean makes you get off this early so that they can completely turn the boat around to allow other guests to get on in three hours. Are. You. Kidding. Me?
10. The staff was some of the nicest people I've ever met.
I honestly felt bad about being so disappointed in my cruising experience because the staff members I encountered were so accommodating and friendly. If they would like to come to my next vacation on land, I would gladly welcome them.
