Halloween is upon us, which can mean all sorts of exciting festivities, such as costume-wearing, candy-eating, and getting our scare on. But when you break it down, the holiday of Halloween makes little to no sense, and here's why:
1. We knock on strangers' doors at night
Totally safe! It doesn't go against anything our parents ever told us about safety our whole lives!
2. We ask aforementioned strangers for strange candy from their strange homes
And in a pillowcase?
3. We attempt to make very un-sexy things sexy
This doesn't feel right.
4. We somehow manage to ruin great jokes with our costumes
Emphasis on "somehow."
5. We destroy perfectly good pumpkins
AND we expect them not to get eaten by raccoons/stollen by those damn neighborhood teenagers. Okay.
6. We decorate our houses with contents commonly found in a graveyard
I don't know about you, but I don't have any interest in living in a graveyard.
7. We tell scary stories that are very rarely actually scary
Complete with a flashlight under the chin.
8. We listen to music that would have no place in the entertainment industry if it weren't for this odd holiday
Every October, monsters and ghosts suddenly become trendy.
9. One of our favorite Halloween movies is a Christmas movie
Is it a Halloween movie? Is it a Christmas movie? The world may never know.
10. This holiday actually has some sort of religious origin
Ain't nothin holy about these costumes.
Well that's the lowdown, folks! Halloween is a strange time of year, but just because it brings out some odd quirks in us, doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy it. Embrace this holiday that makes absolutely no sense, stay safe out there, and for everyone's best interests, keep it (somewhat) clean.
Happy Halloween, everyone.