If you are in your early twenties like I am, you probably grew up watching Disney movies. Cinderella, Lady, the Tramp and Simba all graced your television screen with their presence. And you loved every moment of it.
You got to sing along with the songs and imagine all of the wonder that was taking place right before your eyes.
But, if you, like me, are completely and utterly tone deaf, you realized some tragic realities existed for you.
1. You were never going to be able to ditch your babysitter under a rhino.
Simba and Nala cleverly break into song and dance that ends with Zazu being squished under a rhino. But, with a lack of vocal skills, this was just not a possibility.
2. You were never going to waltz through the woods with an owl dressed as Prince Charming.
No matter how many times I tried, my little woodland friends refused to cooperate with this due to the fact that it sounded like I was murdering a few of them every time I opened my mouth.
3. You were never going to be initiated into a cat Jazz band.
This was underscored by the fact that you did not have the mad harp skill of Dutchess. But they weren't lying...everybody wants to be a cat.
4. You were never going to save all of China by pretending to be a man.
This was just unfair. Despite all your good intentions, you would never make it past the song before they kicked you out for making everyone's ears bleed.
5. You were never going to passively admit your love for some hunk.
I mean, didn't we all want a moment like Megara talking to the Muses about Hercules? Too bad my vocal chords won't allow for that...
6. You were never going to wistfully wish to be a part of some man's world.
Despite all of the angst you could muster, your vocal skills were probably improved when the sea witch took your voice. NOW how are you supposed to get your legs?
7. You were never going to ignore a man while simultaneously reading and singing.
I mean, that took some serious skill. Plus she got to dis the guy that all the other girls wanted. What else could you want from life? Besides the ability to sing, of course...
8. You were never going to fly through the night on a magic carpet.
The carpet would try to plug its ears...and it doesn't even have ears.
9. You were never going to fall in love singing karaoke at a ski resort on New Year's Eve.
Make everyone run screaming from the building? No problem. But sing with a cute guy and make him fall in love with you even though you were a gorgeous nerd and he was a popular jock (and this movie was nothing like Grease) and then realize you'll never see each other again and miraculously end up at the same school? That wasn't going to happen.
10. Scuttle will always be your spirit animal.
Despite your desire to sound like Ariel, when you open your mouth, out comes a squawking that sounds a scary amount like Scuttle. I feel you, Bud. I feel you.
