For every three weird people in this world, there is one normal person. So, naturally, whenever you meet a normal person, it's pretty nice. Unfortunately, there are some people who I would consider to be normal who are just obnoxious to be around. Here are ten types of normal people who I think are annoying to be around.
1. Guys Who Wear Sunglasses on the Back of Their Heads
Ok, this one makes sense if you are trying to make a child laugh, but that's about it. People who do this and walk around thinking that they're the next Louis C.K. are absolute morons. If I'm sitting around, and I see someone walking with their girlfriend and there is a pair of sunglasses on the back of his head, I instantly start to wonder how low his girlfriend's self-esteem is. Guys who are willing to walk around with sunglasses on the back of their head in public are guys who use word of the day calendars to sound smart.
2. Rich High Schoolers Who Sell Drugs
I don't think selling drugs is a good idea, but there is no denying that it's a way to make some fast cash. Maybe someone is selling drugs for a good reason, like feeding their family or being able to keep running water in their home. I can't really blame someone for doing this I suppose. As It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia says, "The economy is in shambles." But there is a group of people who don't deserve to sell drugs. These people are rich kids. There is no bigger asshole than a rich high schooler. The kid who complains because his Bugatti is a 2016 model instead of the 2017 model. The last thing that this kid needs is more money. Are you in high school and you think you need more money? Get a job at McDonald's.
3. People With Car Accessories
I don't understand the point of these at all. I'm not talking about new rims or anything like that. I'm talking about Trucknuts and those stupid eyelash things. Whoever put a pair of Trucknuts on their truck probably thinks Jeff Foxworthy is the comedic voice of a generation. And don't even get me started on those eyelash things. I'm not going to look at your car and think you're quirky and cool. I'm gonna feel sorry for you. Lightning McQueen and Speed Buggy have headlights for eyes. That's funny, mainly because it's a cartoon and they don't have eyelashes. Your car is stupid.
I'm breaking the rules here because I'm pretty sure Ventriloquists are not normal. But I don't care, I'm going to type about them anyway. Ventriloquist dummies are creepy. They look at you with beady eyes and no matter what look they have on their face, they are horrifying. I look at ventriloquist dummies and I think million dollar horror movie, as well as my most terrifying nightmares. Ventriloquists look at the dummies and think "comedic potential." I understand people have passions, but if you think a ventriloquist dummy is a bright way to make money in a non-horror environment, you piss me off.
5. Mohawk Kid
I hate you mohawk kid. You may be asking who mohawk kid is. The mohawk kid is a child who is at a fun place, like an amusement park or a waterpark, and is terrorizing everyone. It's the kid who squirts you with a squirt gun for no reason except for being a dick. This kid always, without fail, has a mohawk. You could see a mohawk kid causing havoc, and try to stop them. "Hey kid! Don't take those tennis balls of that man's walker! He needs those on there!" Then one of two things will happen. The kid will either continue stealing and flip you off, or they will cry and get their mom. Then the mom will yell at YOU, like you're the one who's wrong. No way lady. Your kid is trying to injure the elderly. That's not cool. I hate you mohawk kid.
6. Visor Guy
There is always a guy wearing a visor. He's always in his forties and he just wants to remain "hip" with all of those "funky-fresh kids." You foolish fool. Nobody wants to hang out with you. Trade the visor in for a t-shirt and just act like an adult. Not only will kids want to be around you (kids like adults), but adults would want to be around you as well. If I walked into a store and I saw a guy wearing a visor, I would walk out of the store immediately.
7. People Who Don't Flush
There is no reason why you shouldn't flush the toilet. I can't think of a person with a lower IQ than someone who doesn't flush. I just don't understand it. If you are using a urinal and you don't flush, that's alright, mainly because I don't have to look at it. If you are using a toilet and you don't flush, everybody hates you automatically. Nobody wants to see what you did in the bathroom. "But Matt! I don't want to touch the flushing handle thing with my hand!" Alright, fair. So use your feet to flush it. "Simply impossible Matt. I'm wearing socks and I'm not getting my socks dirty touching the toilet." Alright genius. How about you wear shoes to the public restroom (I'm assuming people flush the toilet in private bathrooms).
8. Joggers Who Jog in Place at The Curb
They say when God created the world, it only took him a week. He created things like the sky and fish in six days. He rested on the seventh. Everybody needs to rest a little bit. Not joggers though. They gotta feel the burn. They can't run into traffic (as much as some people want them too), so they have to run in place until it's possible to cross. Apparently, stopping for fifteen seconds is not an option. They need to keep going. You can stop, but if you do, you're clearly not very athletic enough to jog.
9. People Who Make Camouflage Jokes
I own a pair of camo shorts. I don't like to wear them because whenever I walk outside, someone asks me where my pants are. When I give them a confused look, they say because it's camouflage and they can't see it. Real funny moron. I just don't get why everybody needs to say it. If I only heard the joke like, once every two months, I would humor whoever said it to me with a chuckle. If someone tries this joke on me today, I say something mean in a sarcastic tone so they don't know I'm being serious.
10. People Who Wear Sexual Halloween Costumes
The person who wears a Halloween costume with a built in erection is never going to be funny. Clearly, they are trying to impress everyone and maybe score a date. Ladies, you need to listen to me. If someone dressed like Frankenstein's Monster with an erection approaches you, just threaten to call the police. People are going to think that you are insane, but it's better than small talk with this fool. Look out for that guy in high school who never grew up. They'll show up at your Halloween party, and they will embarrass you.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!