Since September, I have had the opportunity to tutor kids in literacy. Twice a week, I drive to an inner city elementary school to be greeted by hugs and hellos from some of the best kids in the world. Tutoring has turned out to be so much more than just a job. I would never have expected that while I was teaching them how to read, they would be teaching me valuable life lessons.

1. Find joy in the little things

I always start my lessons by asking each student how their day was. Every day, almost all of the students are over the moon excited about something. “Today was chicken nugget day and we played basketball in gym class! Best day ever!” a boy would exclaim, while another student would lament about the awesome craft they made in art class.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if chicken nuggets and basketball were all it took for us adults to be euphoric?

Since I began this job I have been reminding myself to let myself find great joy in small things. Last night I treated myself to sushi for dinner and thought to myself, “today was Sushi Day and I got all of my homework done. Best day ever!”

2. Friends can be family

The first couple of months, my co-tutors and I were confused because every child claimed to be related to each other. Everyone was somebody’s sister or cousin. Then we realized they were describing their friends as their family.

When we asked the students to draw their family, many would draw their close friends as well. Confusing as it was for us tutors, I thought it was beautiful. I think we all should treat our friends like family.

After all, they say that friends are the family we choose.

3. Everybody wants someone to be proud of them

Report card day is one of my favorite days tutoring. All of the kids are so excited to show me how their grades are improving. I realized this is because they want someone to be proud of them.

Deep down, I think we all want to be appreciated. When you show people appreciation for hard work, they are more likely to keep working hard.

4. Everyone just wants to be accepted

Every school has a culture. Sometimes the culture is positive, and sometimes it is negative. This is because kids will change their attitude just to fit in. Everyone wants to be accepted by their peers. I have been challenging myself to make the good behavior look “cool”.

5. Bribes totally work

How do you make good behavior look “cool”? So far I’ve only found one solution. I give out prizes the students really want. Once a treat is on the line, the students will start doing their work. After all, the cool kids are the ones with the cool prizes.

6. You can’t take people’s opinions of you too seriously

This has always been a struggle for me. I am one of those people who wants everyone to like me! These students have shown me that their opinion of me can be different every day.

If I bring in a cool prize, I’m the best tutor in the world. If I scold someone for talking over me, I’m the worst tutor in the world. I realized that a lot of people’s opinions of me had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the current situation. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t make everyone happy all the time and that’s okay!

7. There is no such thing as a “bad kid”

Some kids have more behavior challenges than others, just like some have more learning challenges. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the kid is a “bad kid”.

There is no such thing as a kid that’s beyond hope.

Kids just behave in a way that they think gives them the most benefit. Throughout this program, I have seen the kids with the most challenging behaviors do a complete 180 and start being excited to learn. Everyone can change, and every kid has the capacity to be a “good kid”.

8. Faking confidence leads to real confidence

Okay, confession time: when I started tutoring I had NO idea what I was doing. I had never written a lesson plan before, and I had never tutored a whole group of kids at once. I was totally nervous the first couple of sessions, and the kids could tell.

I realized that once I pretended to be confident in what I was doing, true confidence eventually came to me. Now I go into every tutoring session so excited to teach, and I feel like I really am making a difference.

9. Respect is earned

When I first started nervously tutoring the kids did not respect me. I wasn’t confident, I wasn’t scolding them for negative behaviors, and I wanted them all to like me. I learned that it was more important for all the kids to respect me than to like me.

Once I realized this, my confidence soared. Now I’m not afraid to scold the kids, and I even have fun joking around with them. Once someone respects you it is so much easier to help change their life.

10. You can be amazing despite your life situation

This is a big one. Some of my kids come from less than ideal circumstances. And yet, they are still positive, fun-loving people. These kids surprise me every day with how smart they are, how funny they can be, and with random acts of kindness. They haven’t let the world kill their spirit. We should all strive to be our best possible selves every day despite our problems.