That's right folks, Fall is finally upon us. Time to vend your wares on the street.
1. Ramul, 43
Ramul is well-known and greatly respected around these parts, as many believe he has the most extraordinary melons around. Many peoples travel vast distances just to catch a glimpse of his incredibly succulent melons.
2. Luciano, 27
Ladies and fine gentlemen will know what I’m talking about when I say that waking up with bedhead is totally barf. Like, what’s your damage, bedhead? But quit your complaining and look at Luciano. He manages to get up every single day to constant breadhead, and he does it with a smile. Kind of.
3. Sheila, 62
I told you to stop selling peanuts, Sheila. Especially when you price them individually like that. No one wants to buy loose peanuts. No one. Pull it together Sheila. Your family is counting on you.
4. Rico (Evan), 41
Rico opened his shop less than three years ago. His real name is Evan, but he had to change it to Rico to hide from his friends and family once he revealed he would be skippin' town to sell his nuts. The only thing Rico is more ‘nuts’ for than nuts is the Fall. It is his favorite season.
5. Vic, the Veggie King, 18
Even at such a young age, Vic ‘the Veggie King’ Sampson runs a tight ship. At all times his storefront has exactly 638 apples, one for each of his favorite rappers. If any apples are ever sold, the cashier on duty at time of purchase loses a finger. No questions asked. Vic’s nephew Romanzo (in Blue) can no longer type via traditional keyboard.
6. Kimberly, 28
Kimberly is known to sell the best lightly rinsed out tuna can full of crickets money can buy. Stop by for these delectable treats and other fall snacks!
7. Carla, 103
Carla must concentrate very hard to keep the fruit towers standing. Carla must focus. Carla must concentrate. Concentrate Carla. Do not stop. The fruit sculptures are for meditation, and they are not for sale.
8. Charles, 46
Is that Charles? That weasel. Charles is constantly stealing melons from Ramul, and the two are often found fighting in the streets over the tender fruits. Charles looks to have made off with some of Ramul’s precious melons. Bastard.
9. Pat, 54
Pat has a good heart. Every piece of popcorn that has fallen around his cart is collected at the end of each and every day, and recycled into the next day's batch. Since 2010, Pat has recovered and sold nearly six pounds of fallen-on-the-floor popcorn. Wow!
10. Jorden and Sarah, 6 and 8
My man here is trying to return a briefcase full of watches he purchased two weeks ago from Jorden and Sarah. What he didn’t know when he bought them – those watches are fakes! Unfortunately, Jorden & Sarah have a strict no return policy, and Jorden refuses to budge. “I’ve never seen these watches in my goddamn life,” says Jorden.
