In College Station, Texas, Chilifest is considered a holiday. Classes are cancelled (or skipped), people get off work, and weeks of preparation go into the planning of this event. Chilifest is a weekend-long, country concert mixed with fraternity party mixed with a mud-fest. For some, this weekend is everything they expect it to be. For others... it is so much more. Here are some very hard truths I learned in my battle to survive Chilifest:
1. Don't plan on having contact with the outside world.
Chilifest takes place in the middle of a field in Snook, Texas. Once you get about half way out there, you lose COMPLETE cell-phone service. Go ahead and try to upload that hilarious snap of someone taking a Pre-Chilifest snooze on the bus… it's not going to happen. You'll just run down your phone battery, leading to it dying, leading to you being stranded (and probably dying). Walkie Talkies might be a good investment for next year.
2. Make sure you have your ride situation figured out before you get out there.
Let me remind you… you'll be in Snook, which is easily a 30- minute drive from College Station. Figure out how you plan on getting home BEFORE you get out there. Because the odds will probably not be in your favor, and you will end up in a bus line for an hour and a half, only to watch someone get tackled and another get tased.
3. If you lose your friends… make new ones.
Losing your friends is inevitable, therefore I pray for your sake you have good social skills and can make some new ones. I'd stay away from the people in the blue uniforms (they aren't very forgiving of our current condition). Do remember you will NOT be able to contact your friends once you're out there so do you're best to stick by your buddy.
4. Drink LOTS of water.
I promise it's out there. I know all the coolers seem to be filled with a variety of other things that seem like a good idea, but trust me… TAKE THE WATER BOTTLE! At least once or twice while you're out there.
5. Bring cash.
One word: Corndogs. There are corndogs for sale and you will want one (or multiple). BRING CASH. Not only is it always just a smart rule, but bringing any sort of credit or debit card is just asking for trouble. You think you just paid for a couple corn dogs and a funnel cake but the next thing you know you check your statement and you paid for a $150 taxi to get home from East Jesus Nowhere.
6. Wear a rain jacket... There is a 100% chance of showers.
For those of you who have been to Chilifest... I don't think I have to explain. The forecast might say there is a 0% chance of rain, but I promise you will look like a wet dog come the end of the day. Bring a rain jacket, you'll save yourself from embarrassing pictures and hopefully you won't be as cold when the sun goes down.
7. Beware of flying objects.
It's all fun and games until someone gets knocked in the head with a full can. I know a helmet probably wouldn't look the best in pictures, but for your own sake, you might want to think about it. And it's not just cans you need to be worried about… Remember, its Chilifest, so the unimaginable is possible. Watch your back.
8. Elevated surfaces are NEVER a good idea.
This may sound like common sense, but seriously. Almost nothing out there is stable. Almost everything you think is a good idea to stand on, was built a week or two before the event. Not to discredit the wonderful men who build these structures, but just be on the safe side, and if it seems a little wobbly, get off it. You don't want to be standing on something only to find yourself on the ground, covered in mud… trust me.
9. Don't plan on being productive the Sunday after, it's not going to happen.
Regardless of how long you stay out at the grounds every day, or how much dancing you seem to have done, the Sunday after you WILL feel like you have been hit with a bus. My advice, get some chicken express, keep the lights off, and enjoy hours of Netflix. If you have things due the next day, I hope you have either planned ahead or are willing to accept a 0, because nothing is getting done.
10. Don't expect to find any kind of chili.
Ironic right? It's called CHILIfest, yet there is no chili to be found. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the endless hot dogs, corn dogs, and slightly soggy burgers, but when I hear Chilifest… I expect chili.
XOXO,
Chels
Contributions made by Amanda Palmer. A two time, All-American Chilifest Champ. Find her on Instagram @manda_express_
