The 10 Drunk Friends We All Have
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The 10 Drunk Friends We All Have

We all have one. If you don't, you are one.

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The 10 Drunk Friends We All Have

Somewhere around 9 p.m. on Fridays, my friends and I completely throw out our cares about failing out of Natty Lab and our responsibilities of writing that 10-page paper for University Forum in exchange for taking a bottle of vodka to the face and belting out (to the best of our abilities) our favorite Celine Dion song. Yes, I’m talking about your average weekend at St. Bonaventure.

We take our partying very seriously as we hold a steady rank in the Top 20 Hard Liquor Drinking Universities.

While drinking Crystal Palace may seem very unorthodox to do every weekend, us Bonnies have become immune to the blackout culture. We compensate failing tests by throwing pre-games and justifying our sub-par grades by stating that it’s okay because “It's senior year!”

Every weekend, however, once we’re all in one shot too deep, we become someone else. And no, I’m not talking about the person on our fake IDs. I’m talking about the person who comes out when the liquor takes over.

1. The Crier

The one you never know if you should genuinely feel sorry for because you know that if they were sober, they probably wouldn't be crying over the fact that somebody cut them in line for the bathroom at the OP. Upon approaching hour three of "no text back" from that boy she talked to once, we all throw in the towel and stop rubbing her back because her tears have lost our sympathy.

2. The Dancer

We all have that one friend who legit thinks that they are Yoncé. The bar could quite literally be playing “Christmas Shoes,” and you know she would still probably be grinding, Jersey turnpiking, fist pumping, and jumping all around the dance floor. Every song is her "jam.” Her moves start out relatively subtle, but as soon as "Hit the Quan" comes on, all bets are off as the sticky Burton floor quickly becomes a one-man show.


3. The Stage 5 Clinger

This one is really annoying. In times of major social anxiety and overcrowding, The Clinger fears for his life that his friend will disappear into the crowd. To avoid this, he will 100 percent either grab onto and/or hover over his friends to the point where it is a little uncomfortable. Nobody likes someone breathing down their neck.


4. The Flirt

All it takes is a little liquid courage for her to go up to that cute guy she has been eyeing in Intellectual Journey. And the cute guy she has been eyeing in Marketing. And English. And Spanish. You do you, girl. If she's feelin' herself in that new Tobi romper, there is no holding her back. She's handing out her number like the Bachelorette hands out roses.


5. The one who desperately needs a bottle of water

Look, I don't know how they got to the point that they're at - no one really ever does...but we all have that one friend who silently blacks out. Maybe they're tiny, maybe they can't hold their liquor well, maybe they started too early, or maybe funneling cherry Burnett's was a bad idea, but once they're willingly asking Snake to "Take a picture of us," it's time to go home.


6. The Wanderer

The "Where's Waldo?" of the group, if you will. Despite the fact that Allegany only has three bars to disappear into, one pizza place, and generally negative three house parties going on, The Wanderer is a lost cause and will not rest until they've become the Gone Girl of the group. But they always turn up, and they're always okay somehow. They just like adding a little bit of mystery and a lot of suspense into their friends' night.

7. The One Who Never Wants to Leave

The one who treats the OP like it's Disney World. Honey, no. It's time to leave. After one drink too many, it doesn't matter if it's 2 a.m. and the lights go on in the bar because this stubborn friend will insist on requesting "just one more song" for as long as they can.

8. The Endless Pit

Okay, truth be told, we all have a little bit of this one in us. However, there's always that one friend who treats Graffiti Pizza like it's a gourmet buffet - and doesn't stop there. If Domino's is still open, they'll order out the whole store. In fact, Dominoes even has their order memorized and they're on first-name-basis with the delivery guy. His name is Rob, by the way...

9. The One Who Forgets They Have Legs

They've been on the ground more than they've been standing up straight to say the least. You tried warning them that their 6-inch wedges from Charlotte Russe were probably a bad idea tonight, but they said "I've got this." Well, now the only thing you've got is a swollen ankle, heavy bruising, and a shattered ego.

10. The Responsible One


Doesn't exist.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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