There is no better feeling than asking your friends, "Hey, wanna hear a joke?" and seeing their eyes light up because they know a good one's coming. If I've learned anything from my dad, it's that jokes are useful in any situation. Except maybe at a funeral.
Whether it's to end an awkward silence, change from an uncomfortable topic, or just to improve morale, corny jokes are the best way to break the ice. I've scoured the internet searching for the best corny jokes, and here are 10 of my personal favorites.
1. What's a pirate's favorite letter? (Ha, ha - it's R!) Aye, you may think it be R, but really it be the C!
Gets 'em every time. Everyone thinks they know that a pirate's favorite letter is R, but of course it's C - because they spend their entire lives at sea!
2. Did you hear about the Italian chef? (Huh?) He pasta away! (Ha, ha!) His legacy will be a pizza history! (Ha, ha...) We cannoli remember him! (Oh my god, please make it stop.)
The trick to this joke is to act like you're done when it gets to pasta away. Then, in the midst of their laughter, you drop the second pun. The laughter continues, but boom. A third pun. Very punny.
3. What does a mermaid wear to math class? (What?) An Algae-Bra!
Ha, ha, get it? Algae-bra? Algebra? Math? Alright, next one.
4. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? (Why?) Because if it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan!
This one is great for anyone older than the age of 16. If you don't understand, a coupe is a car with two doors, while a sedan is a car with four doors. Telling it to a group of people and slowly watching them understand the joke is actually hilarious.
5. Why does Snoop Dogg always use an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.
Again, better for people older than the age of 16. I'm not sure if anyone under the age of 16 would even know who Snoop Dogg is. Or is it still Snoop Lion? Who knows.
6. What did the ocean say to the shore? (What?) Nothing, he just waved.
Ahh, doesn't get much better than an innocent play on words. Cute and kid-friendly!
7. What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a gross bus stop? (Uhh... What?) One's a busty crustacean, and the other's a crusty bus station.
I can't take credit for finding this joke - my sister Lauren has told this to me countless times. But, it's always hilarious. Shout-out to you sis.
8. Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, "Hey, is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin turned and screamed, "Ahh! A talking muffin!"
This joke doesn't have much of a punchline, but it's definitely the delivery of the joke that makes it funny. Envision yourself as the muffin. Become the muffin.
9. Last night, I had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
I think I just really like car jokes.
10. Why don't vampires like Taylor Swift? (Why?) 'Cause she has baa-ad bloood!
The key to this is to sing the "baa-ad bloood" in the same tune as the song.
Well there you have it, ten funny, corny jokes to tell next time your Aunt Susan makes a homophobic remark or Ben from your Econ class starts talking about how much money he has. Laugh on, my friends.
