10 Things That'll Bother A Guitarist

The guitar is a wonderful instrument. There are many different types, all with incredible musical versatility. It's an instrument that with a few years of hard practice, anyone can rise above the novice level. And I mean anyone. Just look at this guy!

But when you happen to make knowledge public that your are an avid guitar player, you may receive some attention both wanted and unwanted. These interactions and experiences being a guitarist are sure to get under your skin at one point in your career.

1. "OMG! You play guitar! Play us a song!"

How about, no. We're at a house party and there is music blasting, so you won't be able to hear this cheap acoustic guitar resonate. Also, I'm not your monkey! Come to one of my performances to see me play!

2. "OMG! You play guitar! Play 'Wonderwall!'"

Every time you see me, you ask me to play that damn Oasis song. I mean, sure, but I can play a lot of other songs too, if you want to hear that song played over and over again go to the dude on the campus green sitting in dark black jeans, flip-flops, and John Lennon glasses.

3. "Yeah, I play guitar, too, man. It's my life!"

Sweet, dude. What kind of style is your favorite?

"You know, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, John Mayer, John Mraz, Jason Johnson, Mayer Jack, and you know, whatever gets the ladies. Am I right?"

Yeah, cause I picked up this instrument and practiced endless hours, put myself through mind-exploding frustration, just to pull in the women, you hack.

4. When you see someone with a $2,000 Martin and barely touches it except to show off the three chords they know at college pow-wows.

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Dude, you have no business with beauty such as that. I know you didn't pay for that yourself. Give me some major/minor pentatonic scales, a few triad patterns, some blues scales. Maybe then we'll talk.

5. When someone "plays a guitarist" rather than plays the instrument.

Guitar playing is therapy. There is nothing more settling for a guitarist than sitting in a quiet room, plugging in your favorite axe and jamming by yourself. This is where you come up with new song ideas and new tricks. But then you have Mr. Dark and Mysterious who appears to be edgy enough to catch a girl's eye but soft enough to sing the Top 40 in a more soft and emotional manner. He spends most of his time carrying his guitar around then actually playing it. There may not even be a guitar in the case; it very well may be just the case. I'd be fine with these types doing their thing, except they're getting all the attention for their look and not their music quality. Tisk Tisk.

6. Seeing videos entitled "World's Best Guitarist"

First off, yes he is good, but nowhere near the best. That style he is playing is a very basic form of Spanish (pseudo) flamenco. These riffs are very fragmented and aren't as smooth as professional flamenco guitarists (arguably the best in the world). But any video that says this or any claim to be the "best in the world" goes against what playing the guitar is, an art. Art is not a competition; playing guitar is not a competition. There are many different styles and techniques that some have mastered over others. It is impossible to be the best.

7. "I don't need lessons"

As a guitarist or and instrumentalist for that matter, this statement is progressive suicide. You can never stop improving or learning.

8. Guitar maintenance

A guitar is almost like a car when it come to maintenance. You need to always be handling it correctly, checking if the neck needs an adjustment, making sure the strings are clean and not corroded, cleaning the fretboard, for electrics maybe you want to adde some new pick-ups, polishing, dressing the frets, making sure the thing will last you as long as you want it to.

9. When someone comes up and is like, "Hey man, you should really get a Mesa, or a Marshall, with a Gibson Custom or a PRS, perhaps."

Yeah, thanks, Einstein. You wanna give me the $5-7 thousand to pay for all that?

10. (This one kills every guitarist just a little bit every time it's asked.) "Hey man! Can I try for a sec?!"

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Yeah, so go wash your hands, take a shower, fill out this application, provide me your bank account information, submit to me recording every move you make while holding my guitar. I'll review your application and get back to you within the next five to 10 years. But we put up with it because we would not be complete without it. A guitar at times is like a drug; you just can't put it down for too long.