How To Deal With Overly Controlling Parents
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Parenting

My Parents Try To Live Vicariously Through Me And Control My Life

Constantly trying to control a now adults life will only damage the relationship between them.

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My Parents Try To Live Vicariously Through Me And Control My Life

One of the biggest issues I have had since late high school and the past few years in college is when my parents try to live my life for me or relive their days through me. This can be them wanting me to do or not to do certain things because they did or did not do them, or they regret them or wish they had done something.

Controlling parents tend to do things like disrespecting your choices. They often forget that our choices are our choices, and we as individuals are not "extensions of them" but our own person. Examples can be that who you hang out with, who you date, what you eat, where you live, where you work, your education, etc.

"There is no better way to crush someone's self-confidence than to tell this person that her / his choice was wrong, and that she / he should have listened to us (parents). Because, obviously, we know how to make the right choices and she / he does not." - Lukasz Laniecki, "You Have The Right Not To Make Your Parents Proud"

Another problem here is that, I am now 21, and although I have multiples jobs, straight As and am very involved on campus and the community, my parents still try to pull the "if you don't do this, then start paying rent" or something along those lines card. If it takes me paying every last bill to be able to live my own life the way I want to, then fine. A lot of times "well I did this, and I didn't have to, or I can take it away" or name calling comes in to play constantly. It has gotten to the point where I feel it is constant manipulation.

If I don't come home because I am studying, I am guilt-tripped because if at some point during the weekend I take a break to go eat with friends, and someone posts a picture that my mom or dad sees, I am all of a sudden making up tests and assignments to avoid going home. I should not have to prove every aspect of my life anymore or what I do every hour of the day.

I understand the perspective that our parents want what is best for us, but at some point, parents have to learn to let go and let their kids live their own adult lives. Their kids will always love and appreciate them and be thankful for all they have or are still doing for them, but constantly trying to control a now adults life will only damage the relationship between them.

It is hard to deal with controlling parents. Sometimes you have to distance yourself emotionally and physically for your own health. You can struggle with the battle and fight back or just learn to accept that they won't change and choose to live the life they want or to live your own.

"We grow up in a belief system according to which children should always make their parents proud and happy (instead of making themselves proud and happy) - and that's unfortunately the belief system in most cultures." — Lukasz Laniecki, "You Have The Right Not To Make Your Parents Proud"
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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