How To Deal With Overly Controlling Parents

My Parents Try To Live Vicariously Through Me And Control My Life

Constantly trying to control a now adults life will only damage the relationship between them.

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One of the biggest issues I have had since late high school and the past few years in college is when my parents try to live my life for me or relive their days through me. This can be them wanting me to do or not to do certain things because they did or did not do them, or they regret them or wish they had done something.

Controlling parents tend to do things like disrespecting your choices. They often forget that our choices are our choices, and we as individuals are not "extensions of them" but our own person. Examples can be that who you hang out with, who you date, what you eat, where you live, where you work, your education, etc.

"There is no better way to crush someone's self-confidence than to tell this person that her / his choice was wrong, and that she / he should have listened to us (parents). Because, obviously, we know how to make the right choices and she / he does not." - Lukasz Laniecki, "You Have The Right Not To Make Your Parents Proud"

Another problem here is that, I am now 21, and although I have multiples jobs, straight As and am very involved on campus and the community, my parents still try to pull the "if you don't do this, then start paying rent" or something along those lines card. If it takes me paying every last bill to be able to live my own life the way I want to, then fine. A lot of times "well I did this, and I didn't have to, or I can take it away" or name calling comes in to play constantly. It has gotten to the point where I feel it is constant manipulation.

If I don't come home because I am studying, I am guilt-tripped because if at some point during the weekend I take a break to go eat with friends, and someone posts a picture that my mom or dad sees, I am all of a sudden making up tests and assignments to avoid going home. I should not have to prove every aspect of my life anymore or what I do every hour of the day.

I understand the perspective that our parents want what is best for us, but at some point, parents have to learn to let go and let their kids live their own adult lives. Their kids will always love and appreciate them and be thankful for all they have or are still doing for them, but constantly trying to control a now adults life will only damage the relationship between them.

It is hard to deal with controlling parents. Sometimes you have to distance yourself emotionally and physically for your own health. You can struggle with the battle and fight back or just learn to accept that they won't change and choose to live the life they want or to live your own.

"We grow up in a belief system according to which children should always make their parents proud and happy (instead of making themselves proud and happy) - and that's unfortunately the belief system in most cultures." — Lukasz Laniecki, "You Have The Right Not To Make Your Parents Proud"

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

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My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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It's 2019 And Women Are Ashamed To Admit They Want To Raise Families

If you really believe in a woman's right to her life, don't set conditions.

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There is still truth in the statement "it's a man's world."

I am all for women in power because the struggle to show our strength and earn our rights has been a long one, and still, to this day, it can be a struggle.

In no way is this article saying that I think all women should settle down and submit to a man, so let's get that straight.

However, I do ask the question, why is starting a family a dream women now are scared or ashamed to admit? I've worked with young women who have no interest in starting a family what so ever, and there is the occasional one who will ask me why I want to have one. Most will respect my opinion, but as I said, there is the occasional, usually passionate feminist, who tells me that's not what I want.

Ever since I was young, I have dreamt of having a family. I have a bazillion baby names I absolutely adore. Almost daily, I dream of a future husband who will love me and grow old with me. But let me reassure all the feminists who are shuddering about now, I don't plan on playing housewife. I don't need to hear your June Cleaver jokes.

I fully intend to get either a Masters or Doctorate in the field I am studying. And I'm not going to "throw it away" to start a family.

Enough about me though.

There are several, single young women, like myself, who want nothing more than a wedding ring, the kids, the house, the whole white picket fence dream. And their dreams should never - ever - be called wrong. Their hopes are not silly. They are not women who drool at a man's feet or sit around staring out the window, waiting for Prince Charming.

These women are loyal, hard-working, funny, kind, beautiful, intelligent, etc. and deserve everything they have worked for in their life so far. But after all is said about their current life, work, and goals. There is always one thing you can just tell by looking at them that they haven't listed all their life goals. There is that one thing they don't want to admit, because of all the judgment from other women. They're afraid that it will make them look weak or silly.

A young woman should not have to fear that if she admits to wanting a family, all that she has worked for will disappear and other women will seize to see her strength and determination. The idea has become one that makes young girls blush as though ashamed of wanting something so trivial.

Trivial.

So ladies who shame young, fellow females for wanting a family... please tell me this. How is wanting to carry a child literally inside you for nine months and give them your all, your life, your love to them for more than 18 years, weak? How is wanting to learn to die to self and become more caring, shameful? How is wanting to serve someone with all your heart, body, and soul, silly? How is wanting to better your skills by learning to cook for more than one and have clean clothes to wear, stupid? How is going to bed, tired from work but knowing you are loved and relied on by the ones you love, trivial?

Let me help you: it's not.


This generation is a big hubbub of confusion and contradiction. It's plastered all over social media that we as females need to stand together but when a young woman has the audacity to talk about or post about wanting a family, immediately other women tear her down.

We're slowly forgetting how much strength it takes to be a mother and wife. We marvel at her physical strength as she carries a child and gives birth. But what still remains forgotten by women who haven't experienced motherhood or been reminded, is the strength a woman shows as she lays down her life for her home every day.

Life has become so modernized. Houses have to be Pinterest worthy instead of comfortable. Young couples have to maintain "goals" status on Facebook while their relationship consists of pretty much texting. Love is no longer pure, it's all about sex. Sex is no longer shared it's serving one's self. Marriage is no longer forever, it's until "this isn't working for me."

A woman wanting a family is no longer seen as brave but slowing down feminist's progress.

It's as if giving up your life for others is no longer an incredible thing. But it can't be, right? I mean, we admire our heroes on the battlefield, those who risk their lives for justice, people who would risk everything for the ones they love.

But marriage and motherhood? Get with the times, lady, it's 2019.

No!

Stop with the shaming. Start showing love and support. If you really believe in a woman's right to her life, don't set conditions. Don't laugh when she says she wants to have a family, she didn't laugh when you said you didn't.

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