An Open Letter To My Ex-Best Friend

Those 13 years were some of the best that I've had and I honestly will treasure them.

I remember us talking about each other's weddings and the roles we would play in them. We talked about our future kids and our plan to have them at the same time and make them best friends like us.

Our futures were planned so closely together that I feared going to college without you. I was fearful that we would lose touch and we would grow apart. We used to hang out every weekend and spend every available second together.

Whether it was watching movies we shouldn't have late at night, or getting lost walking the back trails of your neighborhood, we were inseparable.

I would make jokes when I would see two little old ladies together about how that would be me and you one day. We would grow old together because we were really each other's first taste of true love. Not in a romantic way but we were so close that we were practically sisters in every way. One without the other wasn't really right.

We had our ups and downs. From the first day of kindergarten to our last semester in high school, I never thought that this would be our fate. As we got older I realized who cared more in this relationship.

When I would ask to go to the mall or grab something to eat, you were always hesitant (more so as we got older). You would never want to hang out unless it was suggested by you which is not how a friendship should work.

I began to feel used. I didn't know why I was there anymore because I felt more like your therapist than your friend, giving you advice and listening to your complaints about the world.

We would 'hang out' which entailed being locked away in your room watching movies for the hundredth time while eating whatever you could find at home because you never wanted to leave.

Junior year we were starting to lose touch. I grew out of my sleepover phase and wanted to get coffee to catch up instead. That didn't work, of course, because you always wanted to stay at home.

You didn't even go to prom with me. You stayed at home for some wild reason I cannot even remember anymore.

Along with cake my boyfriend and that seemed to be the last straw for you; the last string to cut before you really made me lose you. You had seen me suffer through my previous relationship and how horrible it was and when I was finally happy with a good man you saw it as a threat.

You told me he would ruin my reputation which is funny because I was a wallflower and had no reputation to speak of. You were on the side of everyone else that was against my relationship and left me out to dry without my best friend at my side to defend me.

When senior year hit, I felt more and more used. You wouldn't talk to me for days and then right as I would pull out of the parking lot to go home, you would call and ask for a ride. Those days were filled with false promises of hangouts that would never come and was the beginning of the end.

In December, when I can back from my first semester away, you called me up wanting to go to dinner. It was nice to catch up but so awkward. I had completely lost touch with you because you would never answer my texts.

I took that as a sign and left you alone. When we had dinner you asked crazy personal questions about my boyfriend and myself and our sex life. Things like that are not freely given to those who don't talk to me for weeks.

You came to me for advice on a relationship that I thought was toxic, but I couldn't say that could I? I needed to be supportive. When you began to grow distant again I was done.

I don't know where you are, how you are, or who you have turned into but I hope that you find this. I hope you know that I pray for you and all of the troubles that I know you had. I still love you like a sister but I had to let you go. I never dreamed we would end up like this and I am so sorry for it.

I still love you.