The quarantine grind.
The new normal.
Whatever you want to call it — this is your life now, and it will stay your life for the foreseeable future. And the worst part about this future? Zoom calls. Google Hangouts. FaceTime. Houseparty. Whatever you're using — weekly video calls with family and friends is the worst part of quarantine.
If you're reading this thinking "What?! Video calls with loved ones is the only thing getting me through all this!" then this article is NOT for you.
But for the rest of your normal people, I think we can all agree that these are the most soul-crushing things about Zoom calls during quarantine:
1. Getting invited to one.
You had nothing to do this weekend, and you were so excited about that. But someone said they wanted to do a Zoom call with you and you couldn't think of anything to say but "sure!"
2. The person or people you have a call with actually showing up on time.
Sometimes, if the other person is 5-10 minutes late, you can just get off the call, shoot them a text like "I saw you weren't on the call so I jumped off. Let's reschedule for sometime soon!" and never look back. But when they show up on time, you're fucked.
3. Asking how their quarantine is going.
Because what the heck else could you possibly have to talk about?
4. Pretending to care.
This is where you need a drink in hand. You take a sip and nod at whatever they're saying, and it usually comes across as genuine.
5. Asking how their job and working from home is going.
Because again, what else are you guys going to talk about?
6. Pretending to care.
See number four.
7. Zoom giving you a free extension past the 40-minute mark.
Et tu, Zoom? This is devastating. The one redeeming quality zoom has is that at 40 minutes, the call ends. It's beautiful. I can do 40 minutes. But when Zoom sends someone a free option to extend the call indefinitely? Yikes city.
8. Not having a valid excuse to end the call because you obviously have nowhere to go.
This is super relevant especially when number seven happens to you. If you have a dog, saying you have to take them for a walk is a good go-to.
9. The person you're talking to suggests you should do another Zoom call for the same time next week.
Oh no, they want to do this every week.
10. Having to care about your appearance, even if it's just a little bit more than usual.
11. Everyone trying to talk over one another.
This is most likely to happen on group calls.
12. Suffering through echoing/lagging because you're talking to someone with shitty WiFi.
It should be illegal to even join a Zoom call without sufficient WiFi.
13. Having to talk to people face-to-face that you haven't spoken to face-to-face even BEFORE coronavirus happened.
This is the one I think about most. Doing zoom calls with family or friends you used to see all the time before coronavirus happened? That makes sense. I can wrap my head around that one. But because of this new dynamic, people are using it as an opportunity to get facetime with people they weren't seeing before quarantine, or haven't talked to in a while, to which I would like to say: PLEASE STOP.
14. Someone makes you feel guilty for thinking video calls are anything but terrible.
I tell my family and friends this upfront: I hate talking to them on video calls. I do it because I'm a good person. But I hate it. And you can't make me feel guilty about that. I can love someone and also hate talking to them on a computer screen. Both things can be true. And they are!
15. Realizing this is the new normal for social interaction.
Zoom calls are so bad they almost make me miss having to make real plans and meet up with people in person. Almost.