If The 12 Zodiac Signs Were Portrayed By 6-Second Vines

If The 12 Zodiac Signs Were Portrayed By 6-Second Vines

"It is Wednesday, my dudes." - Leo
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So here's my third Vine article, and I wanted to do another one because it gives me an excuse to watch Vine compilations all day! So here it is, zodiac signs as Vines. I hope it makes you laugh as much as I did!

1. Aries

Aries are known for standing up for what they believe in, just like this woman!

2. Taurus

Tauruses are big on security and getting their job done, just like these cops are doing with a little bit more fun!

3. Gemini

Geminis are very fun-loving and all about communication!

4. Cancer

Cancers are very in touch with their feelings. If only they could have helped this pigeon :(

5. Leo

Leos are all about self-expression, and that's all I have to say about this one.

6. Virgo

One of Virgos' traits is attention to detail! This guy seems to have that.

7. Libra

Libras are incredibly charming and romantic. This one screams romance!

8. Scorpio

Scorpios are very intuitive.

9. Sagittarius

Sagittarius signs are very big-hearted and know what people need, like maybe some milk.

10. Capricorn

Capricorns are known for their patience in dealing with things.

11. Aquarius

Aquariuses are very friendly, and they want to make other people smile!

12. Pisces

Pisces can be very sensitive, so do not disrespect them!

I hope you enjoyed and have a fantastic week!

Song of the Week: "Never Be the Same" - Camila Cabello

Cover Image Credit: Jimmy Here / YouTube

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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."
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Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."


3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."


4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.


"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.


“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. ...so are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.


Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."


25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.


"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.


"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."


30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.


"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"


32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."


34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."


35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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Poetry On Odyssey: On Life as A Walking Dichotomy

"Polarities"

rcdoerr
rcdoerr
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i am running out of metaphors to say that i am angry

angry at god for dying before me

angry at white knuckled abandonment

angry at the way i can no longer hear my heartbeat

all my poems these days are about death

or my father

gemini heartbreaks

because having a daughter that wants to die is more of a disappointment than having a daughter that doesn't love you

and both of those things are somehow still my fault

i am weak because i am asking for help

and weaker because sometimes that help does not mean waking up the next morning

the power to give names to our pain is never simple, with nothing but a clumsy rum-stained tongue and loose change memories

they were lost in a moth eaten coat years ago,

draped over sunken shoulders

my pain tastes like dead flowers

pressed between the pages of the poems i still can't choke out

my pain is named father and it sounds a lot like silence

he left empty whiskey bottles and red wine anxiety

forced me to shake off the wings of youth like stardust and cast them into the night, clandestine as the dark that brought them

he is the dark

and i am a tiger with no teeth

who has always believed that home and heartache are synonymous

the thing about spending half of my time replacing marrow with melancholy

and the other half sticky with the sap of my bad choices

is that nothing is ever a constant

most days, the shadows cast on bedroom walls feel like they belong to someone who is me, but not quite me

a moving picture

a moment, perfectly preserved

an in-between

i speak in 'sometimes' so that i don't have to claim anything as a habit

so that when people wear my illness to describe their indecision

i do not feel like it belongs to me

do not feel like strangers see me as two halves

i don't know if this poem is about being bipolar or being half of my father but i guess i am a walking dichotomy now

i am afraid my body is going to betray me; i am afraid of losing my shadow or becoming it. i am afraid my hands will forget how to hold a pen or my tongue or my heart or do anything but choke the necks of dusty liquor bottles and my conscience

i am afraid no one will ever love a fragment of a person

i am felling entire forests in my head, trying to uproot the parts of me that look like him. but it is getting more difficult to tell which trees are rotting and which ones are already dead

how much of me was sinking into the soil before now?

the nights have always been easier

because when i wake up in the morning with the dust settling in early sunbeam showers, i am always expecting to look in that bathroom mirror

and see my father's face looking back at me.

rcdoerr
rcdoerr

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