The hardest pill to swallow was learning how to cut toxic people out of my life after becoming so dependent upon them. I have this habit of always trying to see the good in people, especially in friendships. By having such an open mind and heart, I struggled to accept that I was being mistreated. While my intentions were pure with staying in these friendships, I ended up sacrificing my own peace.
After developing trust and admiration for my friends, I would tend to put them on a pedestal. Since friendships don't initially begin as toxic, a change in behavior was hard for me to accept. The patterns exhibited in a toxic relationship involve manipulation and an abuse of power. As fighting eventually began to wear me out, I began to bite my tongue, which robbed me of my control. Despite how I was feeling, I let things slide in order to prevent losing what I presumed to be there.
Throughout my days, I found myself actively searching for reasons as to why I wasn't enough or what I did to deserve the hand I'd been dealt. I had this warped perception that everything that I was going through was a product of my own self-worth. By pushing my feelings aside, it left room for people to dictate how I was seeing myself. I found myself constantly falling back into this vicious cycle, resulting in a damaged self-worth. Deep down, I recognized the red flags but stayed in hopes they'd change back into the people that I once knew, which never turned out to be the case.
The problem with allowing negative energy into your space is that you start to feed into those forces. The love and admiration you might have for someone doesn't mean they are good for your overall mental health. When it comes to your mental health, you must learn how to put yourself first. Healthy friendships are meant to be mutually beneficial and should not disrupt your peace of mind. Your feelings are just as important as your friends and deserve to be respected. It's important to remember that you are worthy of good friends and shouldn't accept anything less.
From personal experience, I've learned that in order to cultivate healthy relationships, you first need to have a healthy relationship with yourself. If you start to notice red flags in your relationships, don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. If they blatantly dismiss your feelings, it is in your best interest to separate yourself from that person.
Your self-worth should not be determined by how people have treated you in the past. There is a quote that I live by from a movie called "The Princess Diaries," which states "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." In other words, do not give anyone the power to control how you see yourself, as you know who you truly are at the end of the day.
