No matter how many times I take the quiz, my love language will always distinctly be words of affirmation. The other day, I took a Buzzfeed quiz called “Pick Six Pizzas And We’ll Give You A Compliment.” I’m not even kidding. I’m basically Trixie Tang when she grabs Timmy Turner by the shirt and yells “Tell me I’m pretty!”

I define and affirm (or unaffirm) myself by a lot of things, many of which aren’t helpful: the number on a scale, the number on my test, the number of likes on a picture, the number of followers I have.

The thing is, though, I really don’t like math. I don’t like seeing myself in these numbers and calculations. It doesn’t seem whole or right, and it often leaves me feeling beaten down.

I’m trying to define myself by things that matter: God’s love for me, no matter what I do. The friends that always have and always will be here for me. The fact I’m still on this earth with a purpose. The advocacy work I do. The times I’ve made someone laugh, no matter how unfunny my joke was.

Have you ever realized how out of the five love languages, not one of them is based off numbers? Not quantity, but quality?

So even when I gain weight or mess up or not a single person laughs at my jokes, I am still worthy, loved, and more than adequate. So are you.

We may not always find a Buzzfeed quiz or person to tell us this. We may be invalidated and sensitive and struggling. It happens.

We then go forward to affirm, validate, and love ourselves. We tell ourselves what we need to hear and what our heart’s truth is. We tell ourselves we’re pretty and smart in the ways that matter, in the ways we’re supposed to be, even when we don’t feel that way. Because even when we don’t feel that way, we are still intrinsically amazing and important and whole.

No matter how much weight we lose or gain, or how high our grade is compared to someone else’s, it’s still the same us underneath. The same people who love with reckless abandon, who make it out of bed in the morning, who survive the bad days, who make people smile, who try. Who are loved by others regardless of these things. Who are still alive and children of God.

As 1 Corinthians 25:10 says, “By the grace of God, I am who I am.” We are manifestations of grace, one of the most beautiful things I know. Not a weight, not someone’s harsh words or actions, not a grade. Knowing this, we affirm ourselves with the compassion that we fully deserve.

Regardless of whether you have a significant other or not this Valentine's Day, one of the most important things we can do is to love and accept ourselves, just the way we are.