In this superficial alcove of the San Fernando Valley, lies the infamous 818 where everyone but residents, boast about the influx of celebrities and wealthy seeking an oasis from the bustling LA scene. It's calm, pretty, and uniquely quaint, yet, we're best known for big names that taint the true gem that Calabasas can often be. In a town of only 23,000 residents, generations have grown up attending to similar thresholds of maturation. They are countless, but here's some hometown nostalgia:
1. You give anyone your hometown name and they inquire if you personally know the Kardashians.
No I do not and nor do I wish to. End of story.
2. You desperately avoid stating where you’re from, resorting to: The Valley, LA, right by Woodland Hills, 30 minutes outside of LA, and the list goes on...
A majority of the time, your vague answers have been utterly unsuccessful, so specifics it is! When you must, and only after much hesitation and deliberation, blurt out “Calabasas,” you pray that maybe this time they won’t ask the dreaded question… But they ALWAYS do!
3. Your mom dropped you off at the Commons for your first date.
We all pleaded to go to the #1 spot in town. Regal Cinemas was the standard date spot and we always made sure to stop by the "Stack Em' Up" game to waste the few extra dollars mom handed you to cover the movies and Pick Up Sticks.
4. You went to the Commons 'luxury' parking lot per say, to survey car options before heading to the dealerships.
Ferraris, Lambos, Jaguars, Range Rovers, Bentleys, BMWs, Mercedes, Aston Martins, Teslas, and every other foreign car that will cost you your soul.
5. Your High School yearbook featured a “Top Cars” section — *throw up in mouth*
Superficiality is seemingly genetic.
6. You cried for every childhood memory, barstool spin, middle school waiter crushing, and ketchup smiley faces when Johnny Rockets closed its doors. RIP Johnny Rockets.
Gawking over the yummy waiters in paper hats. Oh Johnny, you've seen us through the good, bad, sad, happy, obnoxious, loving, horny, frenzied, and calm.
7. You begged your parents to let you go to the Commons in middle school.
C'mon, it was by far the hottest spot in town along with the less classy AMC and its' gang filled Elco rivalries.
8. You spent your entire high school career rooting for the football team with the most consecutive losses in the league.
A weekly influx of sweat, tears, and disappointment permeated the campus.
9. You’ve waited hours upon hours to eat at Shibuya.
We salivate for the hole-in-the-wall's fishy delicacies.
10. Your name is probably on the guest list of at least one gated community.
No pride nor shame in this town of fortune and fame.
