You did not deserve to leave.
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

You did not deserve to leave.

To Colton and Collin who are watching over us.

6
You did not deserve to leave.

You were supposed to live until you were 90. We were supposed to take shots at each others weddings. To hold each others children. We were supposed to laugh at family barbeques together. Yet you left. You didn't mean to leave. You didn't purposely leave. But it was time for god to take you. But how come I never even got to say goodbye? When both your best friends pass away it leaves an empty pit in your heart. A void that can never be filled.

We were supposed to laugh and cry. We were supposed to go snowboarding one more time. We were supposed to go to the beach. We had these plans. Yet it never happened. This is not fair. It is not fair that I will never hear you both laugh. I will never sing in the car on the way home. I will never hear your voice again. I will never get my one last hug and goodbye.

I regret everything. I regret not reaching out sooner. I regret not saying sorry for not reaching out and making sure you knew I loved you. I regret not making plans before you died. I regret not making you two proud. I regret not saying goodbye.

I try so hard not to be filled with hatred and anger. But to be filled with joy and happiness. That I got to have the two best friends a girl could ask for. Colton you made me laugh for years. You brought me out of the darkest holes. You never hesitated to take my hand and pull me out of the sad state that I was in. You held me in some of my darkest days. You made sure I would smile before I closed my eyes at night. You made sure I was always on track with what I was doing. You made sure I was okay. I know everyday you make sure you are with me. You might not be here physically but you are here. Holding my hand through the darkest days, the saddest times, most importantly the happiest moments of my life. You are there.

Collin words will never describe my feelings for you. I never knew what love was until you came into my life. I never thought that you would be the one to go before me. I held onto hope that our time would've came. I know it was impossible but I hoped. I was more grateful of the relationship and bond we created the last 7 years. You made me feel beautiful in my ugliest moments. When I thought I shouldn't continue you gave me a reason to never give up. When I wanted to quit the military you said "That's how it will be for awhile and pushing through is worth it believe me." I will forever here your voice in the back of my head as I struggle. As times go by I miss you every day. I miss your voice, your hugs, your advice. I miss you Collin. You gave me hope every day. You helped me through the darkest of my days. You talked me down when I was crying because of a boy or because I missed my dad. You talked me through the school days when I couldn't walk down the hallway because of the anxiety. You helped me. I wish I could've helped you.

My heart breaks as I think of you. My heart breaks that you never got your chance. You deserved to change the world. You deserved that. But I am trying. I am trying to be half the people you two were. To be the strong people that you both were. To help others. To be kind and to be brave. I am trying to change the world because you did not get that chance. I am trying to be like you two. Collin you were brave you never let anything scare you. You never let anything get in your way. You told it how it was it didn't matter whose feelings got hurt, you told your opinion. Colton you had the kindest heart. You would help anyone in need . You did not mind to give that hug or lose your sleep if it meant your friends would be okay. I will try to be more like you two. To be kinder, stronger, braver and tougher. I wish the world got to know more of you two. That people got to meet you. I wish the world didn't lose two of the best people I ever met. I wish I didn't lose my two best friends it just is not fair.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Peter Truong

If you still have not figured out what you want to cook on Thanksgiving, baked macaroni and cheese is something worth considering. It is simple, affordable, and delicious. I have had many different types of baked mac and cheese and most are dry. I do not like a dry mac and cheese, it just does not seem appealing to me. If you like the creamy cheesy essence of mac and cheese, look no further, this recipe is for you.

Ingredients:

Keep Reading... Show less

As a first-year college student, I've been doing a lot of meeting and introducing myself to people, often with the classic format of "name, hometown, major".

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

This Simple 7-Step DIY Face Mask Combines Safety — And Sustainability

Instead of studying like I intended on doing today, I made a face mask for some reason and thought I'd share how I did.

46420

If you were looking for a simple way to make a mask, I am happy to share how I personally make them. I have a pretty small face in general, so I prefer having my homemade ones so they fit better. This is also a great alternative to just throwing away any clothes! Before starting, you will need to make sure you have fabric, thread, a needle, and pins; if you have a sewing machine, you obviously could use that instead of hand sewing it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

6 Ways To Handle The Stress Of Earning Your Degree From Your Childhood Bedroom

Oh so this was the room where I snuck cookies upstairs past my bedtime and stole R-Rated movies to watch when my parents were asleep and now I'm expected to earn my degree in this very same room?

23815
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

It's definitely not easy, but it's something so many kids are struggling with right now.

Keep Reading... Show less

November is such an underrated month. With all the excitement that comes with Halloween ending and the holiday season around the corner, some people skip over it and go straight to their Christmas playlist. For me though, November is the perfect time to compile a playlist of songs that bring on major nostalgia which I think is perfect for this time of year. If you're looking for something to get you in that thankful spirit before you head into the Christmas spirit or something to play while you enjoy Friendsgiving, here are some go-to songs to add to your November playlist.

Keep Reading... Show less

Taylor Swift is famous for her Easter eggs on social media that hint at what is coming next for her. Over the past few days, fans noticed a change in Swift's hair when she was accepting her win as Apple's songwriter of the year that was reminiscent of the "Red" era. Of course, this has caused widespread speculation that Swift has begun to re-record her masters.

Keep Reading... Show less

While joyful, the holiday season can also be stressful for many and that's A-O.K. Plus, with the added tension that is 2020, this year's holiday season is a lot, to put it simply.

This is your reminder to put yourself first and listen to what you're yearning for. Deep down, you know what you need to thrive and I know that you can get there.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

25 'Open When' Topics And Ideas For That Special Someone In Your Life

Open When Letters are letters you can give to your special someone.

6658
Lauren McCally

Stuck on what to get the person you love the most?

And, well, let's be honest, is hard to shop for? Well then, why not send them some Open When Letters?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments