I never thought in a million years that you would experience this, experience such a pain that you needed to be numb from the real world. I thought it was my fault... How could you make me feel that way? Maybe it wasn't you, and it was them. I blame them the people that encouraged you, I blame your late night shifts, the heartaches you saw in people that you had no idea how to handle after everything was said and done. I blamed myself for so long, so long that I finally realize had nothing to do with me.

People swept your problem under the rug but I see through it now. You were suppose to be there for me, you were suppose to be a "role model" I needed that back then and you knew it. I mean I give you credit because there was times when you the coolest person to hang out with. You were there and as I started to become more independent, more in love with the feeling like I had a home, you started to slowly disappear.

I blame that thirty pack, it changed you, and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it. There was no talking just yelling, there was no more laughing just the feeling of being destroyed, no more watching television series at 10:30 at night, or late night grocery runs. I sometimes wonder how it makes you feel to loose every good thing imaginable. You choose your path and by no means have you determined mine.

As Miley Cyrus once sang in her song "The Climb,"

"Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side."


Everyone has battles that they have to fight and I am going to keep climbing without you because this life is beautiful. There is so much to view, experience and laugh about it, and I am going to do just that I am going to keep moving forward it has been the most wonderful journey thus far. You chose your path, you choose thirty packs, I choose my path adventure.