With the dawn of a new year on the horizon, it is the social norm to make New Years resolutions. Making a list of things to change about your life or habits has become a tradition that many people take very seriously. I think that taking stock of your personal life and examining what you could do better is always a good idea, but I think there are some problems with the whole "resolution" system.

Here's the thing. People make resolutions every year but few people actually stick to their resolution, leading them to feel discouraged and worse about themselves. For example, say a 20-something man makes a resolution to go to the gym every morning. It won't be long before he is making excuses and spending his mornings getting a little extra sleep. He is likely to feel bad about himself as a result. Is this his fault for getting lazy, or is it the system of the New Years resolution?

Unfortunately, failure is part of human nature. Should our example man be held responsible for not fulfilling his resolution? Maybe, but I feel that the system is what is truly at fault. People are quick to tell others about their resolutions, but rarely tell anyone about their failures. Our society praises success, which it should, but leaves little room for failure. People are held to higher and higher standards every day, making people more and more stressed about conforming to the latest social standard.

The societal standard which people compare themselves to is what leads them to create resolutions in the first place. No one thinks they're good enough. They aren't pretty enough, or skinny enough, or smart enough. People resolve to fix these "problems" about themselves, when the real problem is a society that makes its people feel less than enough.

New Years resolutions not only play off people's current insecurities, but go on to lower self-esteem further when the resolution is not fulfilled. Our example man probably believes himself to be overweight or too inactive. This leads him to make a resolution to go to the gym everyday. This might last a couple weeks, but it is inevitably going to trickle off into less and less time spent at the gym. This will probably make the man feel like a failure.

How, then, do we stop this endless cycle of self-loathing at the hands of social norms and New Years resolutions?

Perhaps we start by appreciating things about ourselves. Instead of pointing out the negatives at the end of the year, let's start looking at the positives. Let's look at the things we are good at and the good habits we already have. Also, if we do make resolutions, let's start giving ourselves some grace, allowing for a little failure now and then. We often expect perfection from ourselves, and this is just not attainable.

So this year, give yourself some room to make mistakes. Resolutions or not, you are important, you are loved and you are good enough.