1. Intro – March 11, 2015
"So I mean this is my blog and I will use it to rant if I want. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. I remember when I wanted to die in January and I thought my sadness would never end. But here I am now. I’m so happy that I decided to stay alive because now I see the true beauty and meaning in life. So I'm gonna write notes for everyone who meant something to me and if you don’t like them then OK, sorry."
2. Dear girl I used to be close with - March 11, 2015
"Well I mean it sucks that our friendship ended this way. I tried to apologize to you but you never even gave me a chance. All I know is that I changed for the better and I do not hate you. I just don’t like you."
3. Dear Family - March 11, 2015
"I’m so sorry that I’ve let you down. I am always fighting an inner battle with myself and putting a strong face on for you guys. You guys are what’s keeping me alive. I love you guys more than anything in the world. Thank you."
4. Dear friends - March 11, 2015
"I love you all. Two of you I knew from last year and I’m so happy that we’re still friends because even though my life has changed dramatically in the past year, I always know that i can count on you.
Friend 1: We’ve been friends for like ever and this makes me v happy (L)
Friend 2: We recently just got close but literally the thing that gets me through the week is that I see you every Saturday (J)
The two I became close with this year, thank you for your inevitable support through everything. It means so much to me
Friend 3: I am so happy we are close bc you are my rock. Legit tho, I love you more than Abigail loves John Proctor. So thank you for always listening to me vent and I’ll be here for you always. (V)
Friend 4: We just became close in October and I am so happy we did. Even though for a short amount of time, you were done with me and my life and annoying-ness I’m really happy that we still are close and your friendship means so much to me. Boys will be f*** boys" (J)
5. Dear You (D) - March 14, 2015
"Wow this is hard for me to write as I sit here and just think of everything. Well we aren’t together anymore and I know that I shouldn’t, but I love you still. You aren’t the same person anymore and I blame that on myself. A lot of people have told me what an asshole you’ve become ever since we broke up. I can’t help but think that it’s all my fault. We’ve been through so much but we both just threw it out the window. I’m sorry I couldn’t fix you. But you like her now. I hope she’s everything I wasn’t for you. When I see you guys together, it turns my world upside down because that should be me. I just wanted to be everything you wanted and hoped for. But I wasn’t and that sucks. I don’t know what else to say except that I miss you and I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I’ll always love you and I wish I could’ve just said this to your face but I know i’d just be rejected. So all I can do, is hope that this somehow scrolls across Tumblr and the fates and gods of Tumblr will make this appear on your dash. In the off chance you see this, know that I love you and she isn’t right for you. We both know that."
6. Him - March 16, 2015
"He doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t make him love me again because he found a girl who's better and maybe your eyes shine brighter than mine and your hair may be softer to the touch and I envy that you are his object of attention. So please, do not hurt him. I’ve seen him at his worst and that was the most horrible thing I had to see. My heart ached for him. I just wanted him to be happy. Even at his worst, he always managed to make me smile. God I love his smile -- I swear it was able to light up my whole life. His laugh was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard and knowing I was behind both that smile and laugh was the most amazing feelings ever. So please, do not hurt him. He falls so hard and he will have days where he will be so down you’ll have to be there to pick him up. If that weight is too much for you to carry, leave before he becomes to attached. He deserves nothing but happiness and every day I ask God why I couldn’t be that for him. But the one thing is that I loved him, I love him and I always will love him. He is the love of my life and no matter what, I know I’m always going to love him. He made me happy. He had that effect, you know? When it can be the worst day of your entire life but just hearing one of his jokes or hearing his voice was enough to make me smile. God, I love him so much. He means so much to me, but sadly all I am to him now is just another face. So please, be careful with him because you’ll never know how amazing he is. F***, he doesn’t even know it. He can change and has changed everyone’s life and there is no one else in the world who is as special as him. The world would not be the same without him. I would not be the same without him. So please, do not let the one shining star in our world burn out because without him, we’d all freeze."
7. The girl who gets overlooked by guys - April 5, 2015
"She’s incredibly strong that she can hold the both of them up yet be gentle to handle him on his worst.
There’ll be days where he will not talk at all and be silent and she’ll have to understand that he needs extra love and attention that day.
Hell, some days he’ll be incredibly clingy and on those days she’s gonna have to be there and let him smother her.
Sometimes he’s the happiest guy in the world.
Sometimes he’ll be the most depressed,
So she has to be able to be there for him and love him
Because she’ll need to be funny so he’ll laugh when he’s sad
Understand and non-judgemental so that he can talk to her
Selfless and willing to break her heart for his life
She has to be willing to take a bullet for him
Because at the end of the day, whoever gets him in the end is the luckiest girl because he will treat her like a princess and he will so devoted but she better not take advantage of that or hurt him because once
Once you’re the reason for that sinful smile
It changes you
He changes you
He doesn’t even know it
He has that effect
He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met
And through all this, he inspires me to be a better person
He’s a true gem to this world
And he may not see it
And whoever he ends up with better cherish him and hold him because she’ll be holding a huge piece of me because when he was broken, I gave him parts of my heart to make him whole
And now I’m the broken one."
8. Aug. 8, 2015
"Do you ever fall so deep into your thoughts that you cannot get out? Like you feel as if you fell in a pit and you can see the light and how to get out but you're held down by so many things that are invisible? Yeah that's what thinking is like."
9. Oct 5th, 2015
"It's so weird to me how you meet someone, they become your every thought. You hate yourself, but you love them. Then things change. You both drift. Things change, your conversations run dry. You start to love yourself and hate them. It's the weirdest sensation. I guess in English it can be called 'juxtaposition.' Maybe that's why I understand English but don't understand you."
