Hi, it’s me.

I know it’s been awhile. Four and a half years, but it still feels like a lifetime ago when I last saw you. 

Why were you taken away from me so soon? To this day, I still don’t understand why this happened, and if there was anything I could’ve done to prevent this. For a while I felt like this was my fault even though there was no possible way for it to be. Honestly, your death was the first real heartbreak that I had to go through. Saying that I wasn’t prepared for your death is a complete understatement.

The pain I feel when I remember that you’re not with us anymore is still as raw as it was back when it actually happened. But I can’t dwell on that day, I’ve decided to be grateful for the happy times we created as I grew up. The many memories that I have with you are things I cherish so closely to my heart that nothing will ever rid it from my memory. I hope you know that your smile sent my worries flying away, and your ability to have everyone love you was something I always admired. We shared hugs, laughs, and infinite memories that I know I can always turn to, but know that no matter how much time goes by, I will always wish to share these memories with you again.

Even with this being said, it doesn't mean that it's still not a struggle. Every birthday, graduation, and holiday, I wish you could be there. I dread the anniversary of your passing because it brings back all those memories that I've tried hard not to remember; When I make decisions, I want to do whatever I think would make you proud.

Although I was barely in high school when you passed away, I still saw you as my role model as I made my way through the hard four years. When you died, I wasn’t really sure of where I would go from there, it was weird to think about not going to your house every Sunday, chatting and going to the diner. It was a completely new world that I would have to get used to.

When bad circumstances occur, I look up to you as a sense of guidance, and to help get me on the right track again. Although you are not physically with me today, you will always be a part of me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, until we meet again. I know how upset you would be with me if I went on living my life with tears in my eyes; what would I be doing to you and to others if I left my smile behind? 

Lives that are lost should be celebrated forever, especially yours. I can only try my best to live my life as you would have lived yours, striving to be there for others and to put a smile on someone's face every day. The reminders of your presence forever remain in my heart and all of the memories that we have send warmth through my heart. I am lucky to have you, always and forever.

Life is not measured by days spent on earth, but by the amount of lives you have touched and the moments that will remain in everyone’s lives until the end of time. The support and love you constantly gave me and everyone around you helped show me what I want to do with my life and how I choose to live it. You, have taught me more than you will ever know, and will continue teaching me and supporting me until it is my time to be that guardian angel for someone else.

Until we meet again,

Me