What I Wish I Had Known While Questioning My Sexuality

What I Wish I Had Known While Questioning My Sexuality

You are not alone in your personal discovery.


Figuring out who you are can be a tricky process. It can seem daunting to identify with a new label and even scarier to express yourself in our judgemental society. These are some of the things I wish I had been told while discovering and exploring my sexuality.

1. Questioning your identity is a perfectly normal process.

Everybody goes through self discovery. In fact some may argue that self discovery is a life long process. Your sexuality is a part of who you are whether you are straight, gay, bisexual, or somewhere in between. Be kind to yourself and know that you are the only one who can truly define how you feel.

2. Figuring out who you are takes time.

Nobody understands their personal style overnight. Sexuality is no different. Maybe you love wearing dresses and lipstick or maybe dress shirts and bow ties are more your jam. Think back to a few years ago. Has your style evolved? Chances are it probably has. It's okay to take your time and experiment with different labels just like it's okay to update your style. Eventually, just like your style will most likely become more defined, your expression of sexuality and preferred labels will become more prominent as well.

3. If you don't want to label yourself that's okay.

How cool would it be to live in a society that doesn't put so much pressure on putting yourself in a box? Look, labels can be helpful and most are not created with bad intentions in mind, however sometimes when you're in the process of learning who you are labels can make things even more confusing. It's perfectly okay not to put a label on how you feel, especially if you are still figuring that out.

4. Find a support system.

Find people who will support you no matter how you feel. Not everyone will understand right away and unfortunately there may be some people who will never fully understand. BUT remember there will always be someone in your corner who is rooting for you. Find those people and make them your family.

5. Be kind to yourself.

I cannot emphasize this enough! Learn to love who you are. The more you can learn to love and accept who you are, the more others will appreciate your presence. Life can be pretty damn tough sometimes. Remember to give yourself breaks. You're only human. Be nice to you.

6. Forget about the word "phase".

Eventually and unfortunately you will most likely be faced with the oh-too-overused "are you sure this isn't just a phase?" question *deep sigh.* Maybe it's from your grandma, a best friend, or a parent. Whoever asks this probably won't understand the hurt and shame this can cause even if they don't mean to be hurtful. Keep you head up and remember that no matter how you feel, you deserve to be respected and validated. Even if your attraction to a particular gender doesn't last, that part of you still existed and deserves to be acknowledged. Feelings can change. You're allowed to evolve.

7. Stereotypes are not always true, but sometimes they are and that's okay too.

No matter what that BuzzFeed quiz tells you, playing softball and wearing flannels doesn't make you a lesbian. Your attraction makes you a lesbian. Sure there are some gay women who do seem to only wear Birkenstocks drive Subarus. I mean stereotypes exist for a reason! However don't let those define who you are.

8. Above all, live gratefully, lovingly, and unapologetically.

Be true to who you are. Be grateful for the people you have supporting you and love who you love. At the end of the day, you decide who you are and how you want to live your life. Live it the way that makes you happy.

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47 Things All Female Athletes Have Said

Yes, I know I am sweating a lot. No, I do not enjoy practices. Yes, I have said all 47 of these.

Whether you're a collegiate athlete, or a high school one, you have probably found yourself saying most of these phrases. Us athletes know that the athlete life isn't for everyone, and we often find ourselves questioning if it's still for us. So, this is for all my fellow athletes.

All my fellow athletes who know the struggle is undoubtedly real, and who find themselves saying these 47 phrases almost as often as I do.

* * *

1. Do you have an extra hair tie?

2. What if we just said no? What if we just didn't run when the whistle is blown?

3. I, like, really, am not feeling practice today.

4. Do these pants make my quads look big?

5. Are you going to eat before or after practice?

6. I'm so sore.

7. Want to get McDonald's after practice?

8. Did you see that she wore makeup to a preseason practice?

9. I actually looked like a girl today.

10. I wonder what college would be like if I wasn't an athlete.

11. We're up before the sun way too often.

12. Is it gross if I don't shower after weights?

13. How hard do you think practice will be today?

14. Coach is literally crazy.

15. I ate like 20 minutes ago, so there's a 50% chance I puke during this practice.

16. I'm not going to drink the protein shake they gave us because it's going to make me gain weight.

17. I think my legs are bigger than his, so I can't date him.

18. I think my arms are bigger than his, so I can't date him.

19. Today in class a non-athlete was talking about how busy her schedule is. It was so annoying.

20. Thinking about preseason makes me want to cry.

21. Is it even healthy for us to have this many practices in one day?

22. I'll be right back, I'm having PGD (pre-game dumps).

23. I think I'm going to throw up.

24. I should have worked out more on my own.

25. How do other girls have the energy to put makeup on for class every day?

26. My legs are dead.

27. Why did we think being a college athlete was a good idea?

28. Do you think coach will be mad if I have to go pee?

29. I think I peed my pants a little bit during conditioning.

30. Should I wear my hair in a pony-tail, or in a bun?

31. I should probably start eating healthy soon.

32. Only six more practices until the weekend, we can do this.

33. I'd rather be sore for a week straight than climb into this ice bath.

34. They might have beat us, but at least we're still pretty.

35. I can't wait to celebrate our win this weekend.

36. How many hours of sleep did you get? I got 6, it was crazy, I feel so refreshed.

37. I look like such a boy right now.

38. Will you braid my hair?

39. That referee totally rigged the game. We should have won.

40. I think I'd hate being a reg (regular student).

41. It's OK if I eat this since we had conditioning this morning, right?

42. If you're not doing homework, get off the bus Wi-Fi, everybody.

43. These pants fit my legs perfectly but are huge on my waist.

44. I smell so bad right now that I can smell myself.

45. I bet my grades would be so much better if I wasn't an athlete.

46. Coach only gave us, like, one water break during practice. It was horrible.

47. I am so happy that I'm an athlete.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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I Used To Think Height Didn't Matter, But Maybe It Really Does

I've come to a conclusion


I've had my fair share of boyfriends in the past. A common theme in my past choices of boys is that they were all an inch or two taller than me or the same height. Now, I am a little on the taller side considering that the average height for a woman in the US is 5 feet 4 inches tall. I'm not saying all the tall boys belong to all the tall girls and the shorter guys should stick with shorter girls, but I do think there might be something behind all this madness.

My reasoning for this is simple: I've been in an amazing relationship with someone who is fairly taller than me. Is this reason totally irrational and have no sort of concrete evidence for this argument? Yes, totally, but hear me out. All my other relationships haven't been this good or even had the potential to be this good. Is it a coincidence that they were all shorter? I think not!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with boys who are under 5'9''. There are some nice ones who probably don't talk to 5 other girls while you're dating, I just never happened to come across one back when I was in the game. I just find it interesting that I've been in a really healthy relationship for awhile now with someone who is over 6 feet tall.

Many amazing relationships have happened between all different types of people, no matter the height. It's just if you are having problems with boys who are under 6 feet, you may have some thinking to do.

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