My winter break is five weeks long this year. It's kind of ridiculous, and I don't know how to feel about it.
On one hand, I'm excited because Christmas, New Year's, my birthday and at least five of my best friends and family members have birthdays within three weeks of each other.
On the other hand, I'm going to be home for five weeks. Don't get me wrong, I love home. I love my pets, I love my family and I can't wait to work for five weeks and make money. I'm just not looking forward to being around everyone from my past for five weeks.
My past is my past for a reason, and it needs to stay there. The thought of seeing people and places that I've worked so hard to leave makes me want to gag a little bit. If I have to drive past my high school even once, I might cry.
After I graduated I ran away from everyone and everything so fast, I'm positive I offended some people. I know I cut people off and gave up different relationships and friendships, and that was for a reason.
I don't hate anyone. I'm over holding hate in my heart for events and people from my past. What I'm scared of is going back on all the progress I've made. I'm a firm believer that in order to escape your past fully, you need to be removed from it.
I live on the idea of "out of sight, out of mind" and being around all my ex-friends, boyfriends and classmates for five weeks sounds like hell.
My hometown holds 18 years of memories. 95% of them are great memories. Whenever I pass our local coffee shop I think about how my friends and I used to sit for hours and do homework or skip the first few periods of school to get a pick-me-up.
But, I also remember going out to dinner with my work friends after getting off of our night shifts at work. I remember how happy I felt to be able to spend time with people that I enjoyed being around so much.
I also remember how much it hurt when we all stopped talking so abruptly. I remember being left out of plans and when we all stopped asking each other to hang out. That sucks, and with all the love in my heart, I'd rather not think about that.
I'm not going to write a love letter to my hometown, talking about how much I love all of my old hangout places and how I'll never forget the memories, good or bad. While I love all those things, it's no longer the place for me.
I love going home and visiting family, but the fact that I have to stay there for five weeks and relive my past. I want my friends to be able to come and visit me at school and see how happy I am and see how much I've changed.
My past is my past, and I'd love for it to stay there.
