I found something on my laptop the other day, hidden in my notes section that I wanted to share. It was an “I will” list. I created it over a year ago when I was going through a lot. I went through many life-changing events which caused me to struggle with who I was and who I wanted to be. With all of these thoughts rattling around in my mind, I decided to numb my constant worries with hours and hours of NCIS episodes. In one of the episodes, Ziva (who use to be a main character) created a list as a child. One of the other main characters, Tony (who left the show as well) found her list she had written as a little girl.
At that moment, that list was exactly what I needed. I needed a reason to get up and preserve every morning. I wanted to give myself a push in the right direction, to become the best version of myself that I can be. So, my list is short and simple but, complex at the same time. These goals can be interpreted many different ways. It doesn’t tell me how to pursue my goals; I have to figure that on my own.
Growing is something hard for me to do. Because growth means change and I am allergic to adapting (it doesn't mean I don't try). However, I have come to embrace the punches that life throws at me. Because, if I don't, I'll be missing out on what life has to offer. By facing my fears head-on, it allows me to bloom and thrive in a way I hadn't.
My dreams are different than they once were and I am the happiest I have ever been. I’m changing and growing for the better, day by day. It just goes to show that my list can follow me in any situation that I’m in. It helps me to feel comfortable in my decisions and who I am. It gives me something to strive for and to turn my dreams into a reality. Life isn’t simple, but it gets a little easier once you know what you want out of it. Sit down, make a list and stick to it (or alter it, because things change a people change) Check up on yourself (and your list) every so often and have faith in what will be. Before you know it, you'll be taking the world by storm.
I remember writing my list, but I had forgotten all about it. Looking at it now, over a year later it puts a smile on my face. Because, the fact is, I’ve changed a lot this past year, meaning I’ve followed my list without even knowing. An I" will" list is more powerful than you may think. Anything can follow it, and it's up to you to make those decisions. The world is full of endless possibilities, what are you going to will for yourself?