Why I Decided To Stop Going To Therapy
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I Stopped Going To Counseling, But It Had Nothing To Do With My Therapist

I've got to learn to tackle my mental health on my own.

I Stopped Going To Counseling, But It Had Nothing To Do With My Therapist
Disclaimer: The thoughts and opinions expressed in this article are solely my own, and I am not writing this to give medical advice or offer expertise.

I started seeing a counselor in February — our last session was the first week of August. I spent almost six months seeing a counselor, and I am in the exact same headspace as I was when I started.

What went wrong?

There wasn't anything wrong with my counselor. They were kind, patient, and a great listener. Every week my counselor would praise me on my progress, and remark how I was getting better at expressing my emotions.

But I wasn't being honest — with my counselor or myself.

Despite my willingness to be vulnerable, I found that I was conveniently leaving out details of what I was feeling or what had actually happened to me that week. I was putting up this image of being more okay than I was, and it placed so much guilt on my shoulders.

Each week my counselor would give me something to work on, whether it be implementing a new aspect into my daily routine, writing down notes of mindfulness to read at the next session, or even suggestions on how I can improve my mood. I would smile reassuringly, making a promise to myself that I would actually fulfill one of the goals we had made for the week.

And guess what? Those promises would always get broken.

After each session, I would close my computer (our meetings were virtual), curl up on my bed, and go back to my state of self-loathing and sadness.

Nothing we talked about ever stuck with me. I was lying to my counselor about my seemingly "great progress," my parents about how much it was helping — I was lying to myself, too.

I had gone into counseling with the mindset that a counselor would fix everything. I would suddenly find a new burst of motivation and self-confidence that I had been searching and longing for. My counselor would spring on me the magic that drives people to get out of bed and I would stop avoiding my reflection in the mirror when getting ready in the morning.

My counselor was going to be the end-all-be-all when it came to sorting out my depression.

That couldn't be further from the truth.

What started out with so much promise turned into a sort of dread that was almost counterproductive.

I got frustrated with my lack of progress, and I would come up with excuses that would allow me to cancel for the upcoming week. I was more insecure, irritable, and overall more unhappy than I had been when I started, and it was all my fault.

My counselor wasn't going to be the one to help me begin my journey — it had to be me.

Upon canceling the rest of our sessions, I began to make small efforts to reflect on how I was feeling and the ways in which I deal with my emotions. I started journaling, and I was more open with those around me regarding my mental health. I'm still trying to get to a place that will allow me to make even more strides — that would allow me to have a counselor as a tool rather than a crutch.

I could've spent hundreds of more dollars on counseling — but it would've been in vain because I was refusing to prioritize my mental health and let myself by 100% vulnerable. I have to learn how to be a friend to myself and actually want to get better.

As the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

Report this Content
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments