I decided to leave my husband.

Looking back on the last few months I see how destructive my behavior had become.
That isn’t who I am or who I want to be.
I made a vow to myself that I would wait before just giving my heart away.

It seems when you’ve made your mind up to remain single and embrace what it is God intends for you, Satan pulls out all the winners.

Truth be told, I've met some incredible people since my divorce. Great, genuine guys, but at the end of the day I'm not ready.
Broken hearts don’t heal quickly, and pain lingers for a while.

It's hard when you know you aren't ready, but it does get lonely.
When the loneliness comes, it can be hard to stick to your guns.
Especially being a working single parent.
The day drags on, but once we're finally home before I know it 10 o'clock has rolled around and my toddler is still 90 to nothing.

I don't know how to function sometimes.
One second I think I have it all together, but then the slightest thing goes wrong and the weight of the world sits on my shoulders for a while.

I didn't think it'd be this hard when I left.
I thought, "I'm a mom. I was made for this, and I can do it all!"
Let's all laugh together.

I know it would be so much easier to have someone here with me to do the daily tasks that have run me ragged by the end of the week, but then how would I know strength?

Having a man around the house would be nice for those things that I need fixing every now and then, but isn't that what my landlord is for?

A maid, now that would be nice, but how would my baby girl ever learn to importance of keeping a clean home?

I was worried being alone was going to be my downfall. I was afraid I was never going to be able to give my little girl the family she deserved, but now I can see that together she and I make our own little family.

I have to learn who I am on my own.
I have to be whole or else I'll have nothing to give.

Bringing a man into this mess won't lessen my problems - honestly, it'd just add unneeded stress to an already stressful situation.
That is why I'm not ready.
It's not that I don't want to love or be loved.
It isn't that the people I know aren't wonderful.
I just know I can't handle the responsibility of a relationship right now.

And that is okay.....