Romance is dead!
People often cry about how their lovers won't stand for them outside holding up a boombox that plays their song, or how letters full of honeyed words aren't written anymore, or how serenades are basically extinct, claiming that romace is dead.
However, how can something be dead if it wasn't really alive?
These three theories in psychology will explain how love is simply a neurochemical con-job.
1. The Attachment Theory.
You would hate to somehow find yourself, in a warm sunny day, suddenly realizing that the person you love and admire is nothing but a replica of your parents?
Cue the cringe.
Though this sounds like a nightmare, according to the Attachment Theory, it will happen when it comes to the person you want to settle down with. Your partner will resemble your opposite-sex parent, and when your lover resembles them in good ways, relationship satisfaction is high. When he/she resembles your parent through the negative traits, then relationship satisfaction will be considerably lower.
The theory states that this is the result of human beings being unconsciously attracted to the familiar, so think about that when you try and find someone to spend your time (maybe life?) with.
2. The "Pair Bond" Theory.
Romantic love is supposed to be the kind that led boys to give flowers to girls. The kind that led to mid-rain slow dances to a soft song. The kind that led to wild, reckless thing in order to see the person you love on more time. But what if I told you that the love you feel for your significant other now is no different than the love you feel toward your best friend or sibling?
Culturally, we see romantic love as a whole other category compared to the familial or friendship love, but in reality our brain releases most of the same chemicals when one of our loved ones, be it your mother or your girlfriend, shows affection (the non-sexual kind).
So, you ask, what is the difference between the types of love? The way the pair-bond works among two adults "in love."
A pair-bond is the way two sexually mature adults can put aside their differences to procreate and raise a child together. Among stable partners (what we call a couple in love), the pair-bond is much stronger compared to those not in love, hence the difference between the type of love you feel for your pet than to that you feel for your boyfriend.
3. Romantic Love Is Not An Emotion.
According to the anthropologist Helen Fisher, romantic love is not an emotion, but merely a drive based on the instincts of our ancestors. This theory is backed up through the fact that romantic love is associated with the increased activation if neurons in the midbrain that secretes dopamine (a feel-good chemical), and since dopamine is released through the more primitive system, and not the emotional part of the brain (cortical system), this shows that romantic love is not an emotion, but simply a drive like sex.
So, if you ever find yourself crying over a particularly nasty heartbreak, remember: love isn't real.
