Friendships are an important aspect of who we are. Just as our romantic relationships, failed or successful, can have aspects that shape us as people, so can our friendships. And unfortunately, like relationships, friendships both flourish and end. You could have a best friend for years, or you could have a fair weather friend for a month. You could even have a strong or long lasting friendship that you thought would withstand a lifetime, and then it comes crashing down on you without warning. We all know you can break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you can break up with a friend too, and these falling outs that we seem to have are exactly what that is. They hurt just as much as a romantic break up. They break your heart just as much. A friendship breakup is just as, if not even more, difficult than a breakup with a significant other.

I used to have a best friend that I did pretty much everything for. And when I say everything, I realize that that's hyperbolic speech, but I did do a lot for this person. I was there for them through every tear, argument, success, fear, laugh. I was their personal cheerleader, their confidant, and even, on occasion, their body guard. We were pretty much attached at the hip. Where I went they went. People got used to saying our names together like one long name with "and" in the middle. We talked to one another in a way that an outsider couldn't even follow the conversation; like we knew what the other person was saying before they even finished a sentence. I had this person at the top of a very small list of people that I truly believed would never hurt me. And then one day, they did hurt me. And that was it. That person was gone from my life, leaving a void in the shape of their silhouette. Years of love, inside jokes, laughing until we cried, long talks in the car, singing at the top of our lungs were gone. My heart was shattered, and I had to a find a way to put it back together and live with the hurt- which can be a lot harder than you imagine.

When you have a friendship that is deep or lasts a long time, just like a relationship, things begin to get steeped in the memory of that person. Whether it be places, songs, foods, books, quotes, shows, or even a turn of phrase they used to use that you picked up. You might find yourself saying it out of habit, and then suddenly, you're flashed back to a memory of that person, and it can hurt because they're not in your life anymore. The best thing to do in these situations is to remember not to let these things be ruined for you just because they may be tethered to another person. If you love a song, then you should still listen to it, and if a restaurant has a dish you adore then go and eat it and enjoy it. You can create new memories. You don't have to give something up just because you gave that person up.

If I had purged myself of every reminder of my ex-friend after every friendship break up I would never be able to read my favorite book again. I would have had to throw out most of my C.D.'s and stop getting fried rice from my favorite Thai place in town. I would have had to pretty much reboot my entire life, throw out my cell phone, and create a new Facebook account. I would have to do everything shy of moving to another country, and even then I'm not sure I could really avoid being reminded of every friend who broke my heart. Unfortunately, these people become a part of you, and the only way to avoid that would be to completely isolate yourself from others; refuse to share pieces of yourself with the people you encounter. And what kind of life would that be? It wouldn't be a life at all.

I've had so many friendships that have begun and ended. I have loved my friends so deeply that they've become integrated into my life like another hand, and still, I've had to part with them for one reason or another. It isn't easy. It hurts a lot. Chopping off your hand isn't going to be painless. But eventually you heal and you learn how to live without it. It's a different way of life, but it isn't the end of the world.

There's a quote by Stephen King that says "It's hard to let go. Even when what you're holding onto is full of thorns, it's hard to let go. Maybe especially then." And it's true. The pain of losing someone can sometimes be almost too much to bear, but in all honesty, hanging onto someone who's hurt you can be even more painful in the long run. And sometimes you don't have a choice. Sometimes you're not the one doing to breaking up. Sometimes you're the one getting dumped. Sometimes you might even be the one doing the hurting. Regardless of the circumstances, we have all been in a situation where we lose a friendship, and we all, inevitably, have to find ways to cope with it. Just like in your romantic prospects, you will love again. You will find other friends. They could be ones more suited to your personality quirks and your beliefs or maybe just more willing to compromise than your old friendships. You can start anew, form new bonds and new memories. I moved across the country and lost one of my closest friends. But in the process, I made some of my now closest friends who shared in one of the most exciting adventures of my life. And maybe, someday, with time on both ends to heal, you might be able to reconnect with an ex-friend. That's something I've almost experienced firsthand in a variety of ways. There may be some that you can fix things with and be as close as ever. There's a possibility there will be some that you can make amends with partially and become more like acquaintances who occasionally catch up but can never be close again. But, the harsh truth is, that there will still be some that will never be in your life again, and that's okay. Just because you let someone go doesn't mean you don't care about that person anymore. It just means that they may not be meant to be a part of your life anymore. You can't control the people around you, only how you react to them. Sometimes you will find that the only choice may be the break up.