Considering that my discourse community is one of the most marginalized and misrepresented groups in the world, I was always conditioned to fly under the radar, to remain stagnant and maintain the status quo. Being raised in the aptly named "Bodymore" afforded me traumatic and life-changing experiences that still affect how I live life today. This is most evident in my unwillingness to trust others.
Growing up in Baltimore, I was never able to fully connect with others. Wherever I went, this hollow feeling accompanied my social interactions. I was never the coolest or the most athletic. I didn't have money and I was entirely too nerdy to gangbang. For all intensive purposes I was the purest definition of a misfit. Sure, I made friends, forged bonds, but I was always afraid to fully let anyone in. I feared that if I revealed the ugliest parts of myself, my regrets and shortcomings, that people, would turn, tuck tail, and run.
As I was preparing to leave Baltimore for York, I began to realize that the connections I formed with people were tenuous at best, just waiting to be adjusted further by the clarity that only time and distance can provide. Arriving at York after four tumultuous years at high school was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I wasn't sure that after what I had been through that I could make friends, or if I even wanted to. Fortunately being away from my city offered a chance to heal, and to experience new ideas and cultures. I owe most of the healing and fresh perspective to Kappa Delta Phi.
You would have been hard-pressed to tell me before York that I would be the recruitment chair for a fraternity after only a year of school. Personally, I thought that most if not all fraternities were glorified drinking clubs that celebrated ignorance and sexism against women. What I found was another thing entirely. I was extremely envious at first when I saw the bond between the people I would eventually call my brothers, the length of which they were willing to go for each other. I was also apprehensive at first, everyone seemed so interested in who I was and it had been so long since I had experienced genuine connection. It didn't take me long to decide that I wanted to be a part of that. Pledging brought up events from my past, anxieties that I was not prepared to deal with alone.
Luckily, my brothers showed me that I didn't have to. Throughout my process, brothers offered me something that I had not come into contact with in many years: peer support. The guidance they provided made me a better person, emotionally, mentally, and socially. They provided an ideal to strive towards, instilling a sense of pride that surges from within whenever I put on those letters. To all the brothers in the Alpha Theta chapter, I owe you a personal thanks. Thank you for showing me that I belonged somewhere, and that being an organization doesn't always mean blending in. Thank you for showing me what I am capable, and that no matter where I go I can trust that I'll always have your support. Hopefully I can hold up our legacy, offering a hand to another person who needs it as badly as I did.
Being a brother in what I can truly say is the most unique fraternity I've ever come into contact with has only begun to open doors for me. I couldn't be more thankful. MTSND
