For as long as I can remember I've had anxiety issues, but I've "officially" had Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was about 7 years old. For about two years I was on and off different medications; some of which didn't work at all, and some of which worked with extreme side effects. During those years of trying different medicines I felt like a science experiment and it made me feel so horrible about myself and my condition. Eventually I found a medication that worked well with no side effects and I've been on it for at least 10 years now. It keeps me stable and calm most of the time, but of course my anxiety does tend to break through during extremely tough situations.

When I was struggling through finding a medicine that worked, no one knew what was going on. Even after I found my medicine and wasn't "an experiment" anymore I didn't talk to anyone about my anxiety other than my mom and therapist because I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of myself and my anxiety attacks and how hysterical and paralyzed they made me. I didn't feel like I was normal. I thought people would treat me differently if they knew, so I kept it all inside.

It wasn't until very recently that it all clicked into place, and I made so many realizations about my life with my anxiety. This year I came to learn, more than ever that I am not my disorder, and people will still love me in spite of it. My disorder is just a thing I have and need to power through, but it doesn't define me as a person. Yes it gives me some quirks that other people don't have, but I'm not "the girl with anxiety". I'm myself, and that's all. I don't need to be ashamed. There's no reason to be.

I also realized this year how much love, support and understanding means to me when it comes to such a sensitive topic. Last year was a huge struggle when it came to my anxiety as I transitioned into college, and the realization I made this year led me to open up to my friends at school and help them understand why I was floating around in a bubble last year, and that I really did want to be a part of everything that goes on in our department from the beginning. Opening up to them all was honestly such a remarkable decision because it provided the foundation for the friendships I've been able to build up this year, and I'm so thankful for that. Knowing I have so many more people in my corner to support me now means the entire world and makes this whole thing so much easier to navigate.

I do need to mention though that being open about my anxiety disorder doesn't mean I throw it in people's faces to search for attention. That's the total opposite of my intentions. I opened myself up about it so people could understand me better and realize that although I may have some quirks, I'm still a genuine person and a dedicated friend who will always be there for them. I'm still someone who's up for adventures and fun to be around, I just have a different chemical makeup in my brain than the average person.

I don't know why I was ever ashamed of myself for having an anxiety disorder, but I've come such a long way since that point and I'm so proud to be able to say that. Being more open about one of the most sensitive topics in my life has taught me that people really do genuinely care about me. It's taught me that it doesn't make me less of a person to have a struggle like this, and that people admire honesty about things as important as this.

My journey with Generalized Anxiety Disorder is far from over, and it probably never will be. Anxiety attacks will come and go, but I'll have people there that I can count on. I don't have to go through it alone, and that's such a wonderful feeling. Being open about my anxiety disorder changed my life for the better, and if I had to go back and make this decision over again, I'd want to end up exactly where I am now. I'm in such a good place right now, and hopefully it only gets better from here.