I Have A Love-Hate Relationship With Writing

I Have A Love-Hate Relationship With Writing

It's a hobby and a form of self-expression and a moral obligation.


I have been writing for most of my life. The first story I remember writing was heavily inspired by Disney's adaptation of Peter Pan. In those days, when I was only about eight or nine, the writing was just a way for me to express whatever was going on in my imagination.

My first original story, which I have been wrestling with since I was 12, was inspired by a school lesson on The Hero's Journey, a story pattern commonly observed in ancient myths and modern adventure stories. I've been dreaming about that story for so long without producing any results, I wonder if it'll ever be anything more than scattered thoughts, images, concepts, tiny snippets of dialogue.

There's my first grievance with my writing: a lack of direction with my fantasy story. It's frustrating that I can't seem to figure out exactly what the story is, because, without a written story, I have nothing to share. And, for whatever reason, there's nothing I want to do more than share my fantasy story. Despite the lack of direction, though, my underdeveloped fantasy world is my favorite place to visit. When I daydream, my mind imagines that place where anything can happen.

Then there's the story I've "finished," even though it never feels finished. Some people describe writing as a way to address their wounds, and I guess that's what I did with Autograph. Unlike with my fantasy story, Autograph is something I'm afraid to share. On the one hand, it's more important than anything else in the world to me. I poured my deepest, most troubling fears into Jude, the main character. And if I can love him despite his flaws, doesn't that mean I can love myself?

I'm probably afraid somebody will recognize the similarities between me and Jude. Or worse, I'm afraid people would shrug him off as another annoying melodramatic narrator with unrelatable problems.

Autograph was painful to write because I expressed through Jude what I could never express as Ashley. I hoped that if I gave Jude some variation of a happy ending, I could quell those feelings that scare me. And it did help. It does help to have a way to express myself. Still, it's always bizarre when I return to Jude's world, where I have to strain to see the light in the darkness. If I ever chose to publish the book, I know I would have to go back and read where I had been. And if I were asked to write more, I would have to go back to a place I fear.

Nevertheless, there is a great deal of importance in a story like Autograph. There's a certain moral obligation to share fiction with an authentic heart.

Maybe now you understand why writing is so complex to me. It's a hobby and a form of self-expression and a moral obligation. Maybe by writing these articles for you, I'll grow past the hardships I face when writing.

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Are Soulmates Real?

Is your perfect other half out there?


Lately, a question that has often plagued my mind is the concept of a soulmate. Is there a soulmate in the world for every individual? The idea of a soulmate is a fascinating thing. The dictionary defines a soulmate as "a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner." It's quite a phenomenon that in a world of seven billion people, one individual is your ideal counterpart. As I grow older, I observe my friends in long-term relationships and the feelings that they've developed as time has progressed. It's interesting that people my age have committed themselves to another individual devotedly for long periods of time. I often wonder if I'll encounter such a love anytime soon.

When friends talk about marrying their current lovers after college, I feel panicked and wonder if the clock to find your soulmate has already begun ticking and I'm moving at a pace far too slow. It's good to believe in soulmates because it gives hope to people. If I believe that I have a soulmate in this world, I can live believing that someday everything will fall into place and my perfect partner will stumble into my life. Sometimes I wonder how love even works because it's crazy that two individuals just happened to both like each other and decided to see where this initial liking could take them. Often though, many people experience one-sided loves and it makes you wonder if you're doing something wrong compared to people who have coupled up. I'd ideally like to chalk up unrequited loves and romantic mishaps to the existence of soulmates. I tell myself that things didn't work out because it wasn't meant to be. I often glaze over the mishaps afterward and wonder why it didn't work out. I'm a dreamer and I'll paint these picture-perfect love stories in my mind which left me disappointed. However, living with the hope that soulmates exist helps.

Do soulmates exist in this world? Maybe all my mishaps and one-sided loves are the result of the world telling me it was not meant to be. The idea of soulmates gives me hope that one day, everything will work out in the end.

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This Is For The Girl Like Me Who Doesn't Have It All Together

Does life just hit you so hard sometimes that the only thing you can do is sit back and laugh?


There have been so many moments where I think I have my life together. Those moments soon show the truth… that is that I don't have my life together. In times like those, I like to sit back and laugh at myself. I laugh at the moments that I thought I was making a good decision and I laugh at the times where I cried over something so pointless. You see, I laugh a lot. But, I also worry a lot.

The truth is that we all have our moments. Sometimes life is overwhelming and if you are like me you hold all your emotions in until you can't hold them in anymore.

Everyone likes to put on the strong face… and if you know me you know that I always have a smile on my face, but that doesn't always mean that I am okay. And that's the truth; I'm not always okay. And as crazy as this may sound, it's okay to not be okay.

It's okay to not be okay and it is okay to not have everything together. You are you, even if you don't know who that is yet. There is always time to change, there is always time to be who you want to be.

You do not have to impress anyone, you can be whoever you want to be at any time you decide to be that person. You are in control of your own life and no one has any say in the decisions you make. It's never too late. Take a deep breath, be yourself, don't lose yourself, love yourself.

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