I’ve always been the type of person to neglect the fact that I am a person valuable of love and meaning. I don’t know if it’s the fact that my parents took 18 years to get a divorce or if it’s because I have some deep down and subconscious issues, I don’t feel love like most people do. I fall into love easily because I am a friendly person. But developing a conscious and effortful relationship has taken many arguments, uneasy feelings, and recognition of my faults that I need work on to be a better me. It is easy to not care about anyone; however, you need to trust that you are with the right person and if they hurt you that it’s not your fault that you didn’t predict it or actively act against it.

Naturally, everyone goes through the process of falling in love. It first starts with dating while talking to other people. It then progresses onto what is then the idea of trust which is where you start to recognize if you are able to stay with them only. Lastly it progresses to you learning to love yourself from the inside. In order to love someone else, you MUST love yourself first. It isn’t easy to get to this point because no matter how hard you try, if you genuinely don’t want to, you can’t. However, it slowly happens. They became the one you think of and miss when you;re drinking and sober. It becomes the one that you start to be your true inner self with because you finally feel as comfortable around someone else that you feel around yourself. it is a trap that you can try to avoid, but it’s bound to happen at some point.

However, there will be a point where you get to see that you truly are impacted by pure and vulnerable motives. This may scare you, because you realize your boundaries you set up were knocked down without you even recognizing it. You will recognize that you are head-over-heels for them, and that means that everything you protected yourself against before is knocked down. Basically, the amount of effort put in to assure that you are actually blocked off from all love, is useless. The idea of it is exasperated.

However, the question arises of “is this a healthy way to live” because it truly does mean you will get hurt more than once in life. Does experiencing the connection and deep love in your heart, outweigh the idea of never getting to explore these emotions? Personally, I used to build more walls than would fit to be the Great Wall of China. I would subconsciously go out of my way to mess up potentially great relationships. I would not allow myself to fully be indulged in someone else. I started to make myself comfortable with the idea of accepting another individual into my life because I knew I had self-destructive behaviors that I would base my meaning behind. However, I have found a way of answering the question of isn’t there healthier ways to deal with breakups. And that is to be honest with yourself. When I am hurt I often undermine it and don’t allow it to settle in my life. Being honest with yourself means listening to your needs. It means understanding others point of views, without either fully accepting it due to the fact that it came out of your loved one while still not losing your originality and what you bring to the relationship.

I grew up missing my family and my home in Puerto Rico, partially because my home life was so toxic in the U.S. I always thought that if I could go there, I would’ve reached my happy place. It actually, in fact, was my happy place when I had made one. It wasn’t even a question. My natural thought was that Puerto Rico was worth every thought and heartbreak over. It was the place where I was going to go and finally be happy. Howell,er I have now realized that my life is what I make of it. What occurs to me, is the result of the path that I am on. Clearly seeing the severe differences between choosing a good path versus a bad path means that I have to take responsibility and utilize what i have to offer. It means that what my life turns out like is the result of my decisions and actions. This is why when you see the healthy choices in a relationship causing a happier and healthier relationship it isn’t a surprise.

My new rule is: If you love someone, .love them wholeheartedly.