I think the most dependent thing in life is that, life is uncertain. As humans, as people, we make plans and we'll be damned if those plans get wrecked. We have a view of how our life is going to turn out, how we wish things will happen to us, but in reality we have no control over the things that happen to us. That's a pretty hard thing to accept most days, mainly because we need to feel like we have complete control over ourselves, over our future. But, the most liberating feeling in the world, for me at least, is that we don't have control, anything can happen. The future is completely open, and that both excites and scares the hell out of me. It's also the biggest reason I don't have a backup plan.

I'm a theatre major, no not an actor, but still a theatre major. People always ask me what my backup plan is, what am I going to do if that theatre thing doesn't work out? I use to tell them that I was going to minor in Psychology, because there is a small part of me that wants to be a therapist for men and women suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's something I could see myself doing, and doing well. But I couldn't be who I am without doing theatre. So now when someone asks me, I tell them I don't have one. To me having a backup plan means that I see myself failing, and I don't see that happening. I'm way too stubborn to let myself fail.

Theatre is one of those things where you're all in, or you're not. It's like being in a full time relationship, you put in literal blood, sweat, and tears trying to make everything work. You work your ass off to keep everything together and working, and at the best, keep everyone equally unhappy. It's a balancing act, juggling your life, with class, and being involved in the productions on campus, you devote everything you have into making your dream a reality. Even if that means sleepless nights, a bad caffeine addiction, weird eating times, and a really twisted view on love, children, and getting married.

This theatre thing I do isn't a hobby, I'm not just marking time waiting for a real job. It is my real job, this is my real life, and it's happening right now, I'm not waiting for it; I'm living it. Because I believe that besides love, real love, theatre is the closest thing to magic this world has left. Play and musicals let you explore worlds where anything is possible, where good always wins and maybe the bad guy isn't so bad after all, love triumphs over everything, and the dead come back to life, even if it is just for the final song. There are infinite possibilities in these worlds. Then you realize that someone actually created this, it came out of their head and it's amazing.

Theatre allows you to forget your troubles for two and a half hours, it allows you to be completely vulnerable in ways you never expect to be. In those two and a half hours, everyone in the theatre is feeling the exact same emotions, going through the exact same thing, and if that's not magic, then I don't know what is. It's that feeling that I live for, that makes everything worth the blood, sweat, tears and long hours.

Ask any theatre major why they do this, they'll say the same things. It's not for the fame or money, its for the feeling the get and can give to others. We're not doctors, we're not curing cancer, or removing brain tumors, as much as we wish we could. However, we can give two and a half care free hours to someone with cancer, we can temporarily make them forget that they have cancer. We can give them a night that they'll love, and that they wont forget.

That's why I don't have a backup plan, because I don't need one. I love this too much to let myself down. I know that I don't have control over my future, and don't have a fully formed plan, but isn't that the fun part? I have a rough guideline of what I would like to happen, but as long as I'm doing theatre, I know i'll be okay.