It’s a Friday night at Marist and I sit here on my dorm bed cuddling with my teddy bears and watching, "Love Actually."The iconic notecard scene plays on the screen, Colin Firth’s character proposes publicly -- and in Portuguese -- at a restaurant to his beloved, and even the adorably awkward porn-star couple is giddy jumping around in Heathrow Airport with a diamond ring and promises for the future as the movie comes to its close. I jump up and down pointing at the screen and examining the faces of the various members of my friend group that I’ve compiled and forced to watch this movie with me. The boys look unamused and the girls give little smiles and say "it's cute." Cute? I say with mock outrage. It’s epic! Extraordinary! Wildly romantic!

They all laugh at me and say, “Yes, Kathleen. But it isn’t real,” and I find myself stopped in my tracks and suddenly defensive. “Why not? Why can’t it be?” They tell me that it isn’t realistic. Gestures like that are reserved only for movies. Immediately I point out that I’ve driven hundreds of miles to deliver flowers to a loved one, declare my affection, and apologize for past mistakes but they say, “Yeah that’s you. Nobody else does that.”

While initially upset by the lack of romanticism, it’s important to understand the setting. We’re sitting in a college dorm room. College. And we all know what the college love scene looks like (insert picture of a half-naked girl making out with a drunk, smelly guy in the basement of his frat house). Yes, I can see why they would raise an eyebrow at my position that kisses in the rain, surprise proposals, and receiving flowers for no reason other than pure love exist. I also realized that the opinions of my friends reflect the opinion of the general populace. Romance is dead, they say. Chivalry is dead. Gone are the days of people writing their beloved 365 letters like Noah in The Notebook and gone are the standing-out-in-the-rain love proclamations. But I refuse to believe that.

And my refusal to accept the reality of life has earned me the label of a hopeless romantic. I'm sure plenty of you out there are familiar with that phrase and may have even been called one before. I’m here to address this because life without love isn’t life at all and this conversation is immeasurably important -- especially in the age of hook-up culture and Tinder “dates.”

The Merriam-Webster definition for "hopeless" is literally, “having no expectation of good or success.” Since when did holding out for genuine love and a worthwhile relationship become a fruitless quest? Why should I have no expectations for marital bliss and eternal love and happiness in my life?

I’m proud of my naivety and my stubborn insistence that things will work out as they’re meant to in the end and I’m going to end up happy. I absolutely refuse to let anyone tell me that I need to settle for something less then a love that sets my heart on fire and rocks my world at its foundation. “That’s not realistic. You need to lower your expectations.” No. No I don’t and no I won’t.

If you genuinely believe that ground-shaking, firework love doesn’t exist, what are you living for? What are you striving toward? Love inspires me to move forward with my life and work hard to earn what I deserve. That motivating force is only one benefit of believing in love but there are dozens more. Belief in real, authentic love is actually good for you! Don’t believe me? I’ll tell you why.

Because the moment we decide that love doesn’t exist, we become complacent with unsatisfactory relationships because we don’t think we can find any better. In reality, we’re only playing ourselves with this mentality because it causes us to stop pushing. Belief that true love exists and is out there in the world pushes us to go out and find it. It forces us to hunt for a life that excites us! One that we can tell our grandchildren about with pride and enthusiasm. Not believing that love is out there is denying yourself of joy, hope, and the endless possibilities that come with a worthwhile relationship.

Looking for love goes beyond affection. Your love affirms you, keeps you grounded, and gives you a purpose. Being a romantic is about being open to the people around you and seeing possibility in every smile you see. It’s about going through life, willingly waking up every morning with enthusiasm for what the day has in store—whether it’s little miracles or the first day of the greatest romantic adventure you’ve ever dreamed to imagine.

Love is good for you because it can bring out the best in you. It’s true that sometimes you need to be alone and independent to find yourself but being with someone else is also necessary to understanding the different facets that make you up. Your partner -- if he or she is the right partner -- will help you explore parts of yourself that you weren’t even aware existed. Real, raw love and trust is when you can fully open up to another person. Let them see your quirks and your flaws and the range of emotions you’re capable of experiencing. Is it scary? Of course, but it’s exhilarating too! I don’t think there is anything braver or more honest than laying out all of your assets and faults on full display, and nothing more beautiful than someone seeing it all, and loving you for every single bit of it.

Some shake their heads at me and say that lifelong monogamy is unrealistic and I’d like to debunk that. If this is the way you think, maybe it’s because you’ve grown up in a world where if the going gets tough, the tough actually get going, literally, by turning around and walking away. People, nowadays, are so quick to abandon a relationship without trying to fix it. What happened to vows? Til death do us part? Make no mistake, I think that people should absolutely have the ability to get divorced because sometimes a couple is really dysfunctional, should not have been married in the first place, or a situation turns abusive. Life is full of unforeseeable circumstances and there are plenty of reasons why a marriage could fall apart.

What I am saying is that it’s possible for love to stand the test of time. Look at your grandparents. Or if your grandparents happen to be divorced and cannot serve as an example, think about any other instance where you’ve seen an old couple celebrating 30, 40, 50, 60 years of marriage together! Don’t act like you’ve never met one! I’ve been to countlessweddings and there’s always that moment when the DJ calls out to find the longest-married couple in the room to come out and dance with the newlyweds and you always see them. They’re old, wrinkled, well-dressed, and absolute perfection. Perfectly in sync with each other and the music. They kiss in front of the entire reception and everybody cheers.

It’s a thing. Love that lasts a lifetime isabsolutely feasible. It only seems unlikely because, these days, nobody seems willing to put forth the effort to fight for anything! Maybe it’s complacency or laziness or maybe it’s this new attitude that people seem to have that life should be easy. If it’s meant to happen, it will just fall into my lap without a finger having to be lifted. I’m here to tell you that if you wait for worthwhile love to fall conveniently at your feet, you’re doing yourself a disservice. And you may be waiting forever. You get out of life what you put into it and if you don’t step up to reach high, you’ll be forced to settle with what’s within your low reach and is that really what you want for yourself? Is that what you think you deserve?

(Side note: My Nana is 96 years old. Her husband passed away 35 years ago. She has never taken off her wedding band. If this alone doesn’t convince you that true love can last a lifetime, I don’t know what will.)

Beyond those who don’t believe in lifelong love, there are people out there that don’t believe in any kind of love at all. For them, I would like to share a quote from the favorite movie that inspired this entire conversation in the first place: "Love Actually."

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there—fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge—they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”

I can’t make you believe in love if you aren’t open to it. However, I can tell you that while love is an unseeable force, it makes the world go round. Think of all the actions taken around you that are motivated by love. Think of the crazy things people are willing to go through in the name of love. Think of all the books, movies, songs, plays, etc. all written about the subject since the beginning of recorded history. Love has been a consistent, integral part of humanity for -- well -- ever.

Speaking from experience, I know love exists because I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed it in my parents’ marriage, my grandparents’ marriage, and in dozens of other relationships I’ve encountered during my nineteen years of living. I’ve seen it for myself and felt it for myself. I’ve been in love before and it’s a rush like no other. It’s real-life magic.

I sincerely think that without loving -- even if it seems silly, pointless, hopeless, etc. -- life simply isn’t worth the hassle. Maybe that makes me foolish, but I’d rather be a fool for love than a fool for nothing. As I said earlier, love is an unforeseeable, scientifically unprovable force. That being said, it’s the one uncertainty that I’d bet my life on.