Whoever Said That Geese Flock South For The Winter Was Wrong

Whoever Said That Geese Flock South For The Winter Was Wrong

The march of the Canada Goose.
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As the winter approaches, temperatures drop and precipitation falls, an influx of geese by numbers beyond belief flood Ann Arbor’s very own University of Michigan. Elementary school lessons of birds’ annual migration to the south for the colder temperatures obviously didn't include those from Canada!

Ugh — how could one forget about THE Canadian Goose?

They’re terrifying. They’re so tall, and they’ll stop at nothing. Not even for the Ubers on State Street. They trek in flocks, boys and girls alike. There’s the occasional red, blue, green or grey goose, but the majority of them are the black, fur-hooded parka. Emphasis on the black fur hood, because the Snapchat selfie is complete only when the hood peaks over the camera.

The red, blue and white circular emblem doesn’t help much either, for it makes it even more impossible to differentiate between the geese. If you’re lucky, you will be looking for someone wearing a red or grey goose, but there’s usually only one per flock.

These geese plan for their seasonal flock before winter even starts. In fact, the planning begins during the springtime, when newly committed college students ask their temporary college friends what winter apparel they’re buying for the tundra: Canada Goose? Moncler? Sorrel? LL Bean?

It’s all a mystery until you breathe a sigh of relief when your social media feed shows a plethora of girls in the same jacket that you have. I, too, am guilty of being a goose, though I am first breaking mine out now, the opposite of others who, when the temperature drops below 60 degrees, break theirs out from the back of the closet and celebrate the beginning of the season.

Now more than ever, parents are thankful for the geese. The trend that they set and standard that they hold ensure any mother that her child will be more than willing to bundle up for temperatures below zero in order to avoid the plague, something that not even University Health Services, the most trusted medical facility in all of Ann Arbor, can cure.

The one problem, though, is that the geese are always stolen by others who are certain that the one they picked up was theirs. The solution, of course, is to get yours monogramed! What could be better than one’s initials, in any color, on the inside of his or her coat? NOTHING. Such embroidery is guaranteed to prevent stealing.

The geese rely on their prey for their survival, but that is never a problem, for the majority of the 50,000 students here at the U of M are from California, Florida, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York and Michigan, of course. A combination of such perfect territorial prey is sure to keep the economic and social integrity of the brand. If not, though, celebrities such as Jimmy Fallon and Emma Stone are almost certain to advertise just enough to make you prey too.

There is absolutely no doubt that the Canadian goose does just its job: to have all $900+ dollars of the world’s best insulator trap the heat on the walk to Angel Hall.

With such prestige, it’s understandable why one cannot resist buying THE Canada Goose. All arguments about animal cruelty are obsolete because Canada Goose “believe[s] all animals are entitled to humane treatment in life and death, an are deeply committed to the responsible use and ethical sourcing of all animal materials in [their] products.” Gee(se), thanks!

Whether a Michigan Wolverine by summer or a Canada Goose by winter, it’s always great to be. Go blue, go Goose.

Cover Image Credit: Jacqueline Yackow

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Sorry Not Sorry, My Parents Paid For My Coachella Trip

No haters are going to bring me down.
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This piece is intended to be a satire of an experience at Coachella.

With Coachella officially over, lives can go back to normal and we can all relive Beyonce’s performance online for years to come. Or, if you were like me and actually there, you can replay the experience in your mind for the rest of your life, holding dear to the memories of an epic weekend and a cultural experience like no other on the planet.

And I want to be clear about the Beyonce show: it really was that good.

But with any big event beloved by many, there will always be the haters on the other side. The #nochella’s, the haters of all things ‘Chella fashion. And let me just say this, the flower headbands aren’t cultural appropriation, they’re simply items of clothing used to express the stylistic tendency of a fashion-forward event.

Because yes, the music, and sure, the art, but so much of what Coachella is, really, is about the fashion and what you and your friends are wearing. It's supposed to be fun, not political! Anyway, back to the main point of this.

One of the biggest things people love to hate on about Coachella is the fact that many of the attendees have their tickets bought for them by their parents.

Sorry? It’s not my fault that my parents have enough money to buy their daughter and her friends the gift of going to one of the most amazing melting pots of all things weird and beautiful. It’s not my fault about your life, and it’s none of your business about mine.

All my life, I’ve dealt with people commenting on me, mostly liking, but there are always a few that seem upset about the way I live my life.

One time, I was riding my dolphin out in Turks and Cacaos, (“riding” is the act of holding onto their fin as they swim and you sort of glide next to them. It’s a beautiful, transformative experience between human and animal and I really think, when I looked in my dolphin’s eye, that we made a connection that will last forever) and someone I knew threw shade my way for getting to do it.

Don’t make me be the bad guy.

I felt shame for years after my 16th birthday, where my parents got me an Escalade. People at school made fun of me (especially after I drove into a ditch...oops!) and said I didn’t deserve the things I got in life.

I can think of a lot of people who probably don't deserve the things in life that they get, but you don't hear me hating on them (that's why we vote, people). Well, I’m sick of being made to feel guilty about the luxuries I’m given, because they’ve made me who I am, and I love me.

I’m a good person.

I’m not going to let the Coachella haters bring me down anymore. Did my parents buy my ticket and VIP housing? Yes. Am I sorry about that? Absolutely not.

Sorry, not sorry!

Cover Image Credit: Kaitlin Harasta

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5 Websites That Turn Forever21 into Forever-No-More

Alternative websites for every fashionista
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“Where did you get your top from” a phrase that is slowly dying out around campus because everyone seems to be swiping their card at the same counter, Forever21. As a fellow fashionista, I am beyond tired of bumping into people on campus wearing the exact same outfit as me. This article lists the secret sites that every fashionista must know. Once you see what these websites offer, Forever21 will become Forever-not-anymore, before you reach my number one site.

5. ROMWE

The overseas site host a variety of clothing that not only is fashionable but also filled with pages of sale and clearance items. However, Romwe does have some pretty questionable reviews. Since it is shipping overseas the fabric to many of their items are poor, which is why they rank number five on my fashionista list. You may fill your cart with low price fashion, but is it worth it if you only wear it once?

4. A’GACI

The underdog of this article, A’gaci is a very similar website to the well-known store, Charlotte Russe. Similar to Charlotte Russe, A’gaci has great shoes and great accessories. The best part about A’gaci is not because of the stylish items but because the website is so unknown despite the fashionable clothes they sell. A’gaci is the perfect place to get great clothes that no one knows about. However, is it worth the wait?

3. GoJane

One the greatest shoe and high fashion website that's known to man. Gojane offers classy chic clothing that will make you feel like a professional model. Not only are their clothes perfect fitting, they have one of a kind clothing. GoJane is for a female who likes to add a hint of color and class to their outfit. Gojane ships from across seas but from one fashionista to another, GoJane is like no other.

2. BooHoo

The best UK fashion website that fashionistas could dream of. Boohoo has a section for both women and men and the best part, the site has its own celebrity sponsors. From French Montana to other celebrities, Boohoo allows the average fashionista to become dressed in star worthy attire. Unlike the other sites, I ordered my one of a kind prom dress from the site. It fit like a glove and ever since then I shop Boohoo for my any occasion where I want to look my best.

1. Amazon

The beautiful Amazon. What did we do to deserve this website? Amazon is a place where all your dreams for the perfect clothing or accessory can come true. The trick about the site is to carefully read all the reviews and the images.

Since Amazon is not set up like a traditional website, a great stylist gave me a life-changing tip, which is to surf other sites and find clothing that you find interesting. Once you do copy keywords and try to find similar clothing on Amazon. No website (let alone clothing website) can beat two-day shipping.

Every fashionista dream is to have clothes that no one else has on and clothes that makes everyone wonder, "where did you get that shirt?"

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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