When You're Stuck On The Fence

October 31, 2015.. I was stuck on the fence. I wanted God . I yearned for God . I was hearing his voice but my actions were contradicting my desires. I was half-way chasing after him. I honestly tested God. I wanted to sin and still get my blessings from it. I thought God wouldn't notice it . Yes, I did. Although I know that he see's everything. For some reason I thought that I had this invisible cape on.

We all have that point in our lives where we want to be a fully devout Christians but keep the same lifestyle. You can't do that.

Halloween is a perfect example. Growing up I knew Halloween had a demonic sense behind it. We didn't start trick-or-treating until I was 12 years old. I just wanted it for the candy. I didn't want to sit in the house and not do anything. I didn't want to be that person without any childhood memories of trick-or-treating. I would always say to myself "God knows my heart"God knows my heart" He knew that I didn't want to take part in the demonic sense but I wanted the candy, just the candy? Right? Something about sin drags us in. It'll say ," It's okay just this one time." Or "It's fine no one will know." Our FATHER knows.

John 2:15 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you."

We are not of this world yet we love to love the things of the world. I admit it's hard, extremely hard, but you can't do both. If you come to him you have to come to him fully.

Halloween of last year I was excited. My first year going to a party in college. I wanted to be the BEST of the BEST. I drove to Savannah with my friend and I couldn't find a costume that I liked or had in mind. It was by far one of the most stressful days of my life. All because I couldn’t find a costume. Really? Really Brandy?

Fast forward to that night. I found this skeleton outfit and I was in love with it. So simple yet so fitting. Anyway, I painted half of my face as a skeleton and half as my flesh. The outfit was as if you could see right through me. The irony of it all.

The night was successful. I had fun with friends, safe fun that it. I was on the phone with my spiritual mother and my jaw dropped. Why? She was telling me the truth. The truth that I did not want to hear. "You want to come to God and change yet you're not showing you want him." "Don't come to me with that, I don't play about my God and no one will play me." I started crying instantly. It was true. Then she went on to diagnose my outfit and connect the dots. The reason I connected so well with the outfit was because it was a representation of me. I was a skeleton. I was dying out spiritually. I was drained. I lacked substance, organs, life. I was withering away to bones. My half skeleton face represented me being on the fence. Whether to give it all to God or not to.

I chose God and he chose me. He made me go through all of that just to get to him. He left Moses in the desert for 40 years just to get to him.Joseph was sold into slavery just to get to him. We go through these things for a reason. It's all apart of his divine plan. You can't go wrong with choosing him. Because he didn't go wrong with choosing you.