When You Become Who You're Not
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Politics and Activism

When You Become Who You're Not

A vent on life and how it turned on me.

When You Become Who You're Not

"Believe only half of what you see, and none of what you hear."

This statement seems a bit silly to me. How can you only believe half of what you see, and nothing that you hear? Then what is truth, what is honesty? Is there no one but yourself that you can trust, and what is there to trust if you have no one to share with?

Life is not always easy. Right now it feels very hard. There are people close to my heart who currently don't think I am who I am. They are believing 100% of what they hear from someone else, and are believing nothing from what they saw. And because of that, someone I love dearly does not think I am who I am.

They think I am a trouble starter, that I lie to them about who I am, how I act. That it's all a falsehood, and maybe that's because they only believed half of what they saw in me. But now, they are listening to someone else completely, and none of me.

The situation consuming me currently, is something that I can not shake my focus off of, so it seemed impossible to write about anything other than this. So, as vaguely as I can, I will express how much I am hurt by a situation, that no one will read.

When loving people, you choose who you allow to be in your life, who to allow love for, and who you allow to hurt you. Maybe the situation I entered was wrong for me, because the one who stopped loving me thought that I was going to hurt them, and they didn't feel was worthy. The truth is, that I wouldn't have hurt them, and they are allowing someone else to bring more pain to their life, and mine, than I ever would have.

Why do people do that?

That's where humans are strange. We make mistakes, we love the wrong people, and we hurt those who don't hurt us. That's how we are, guilty myself. But I personally have worked very hard to not be this person anymore, yet it sometimes seems like it goes nowhere. People still view you how they want, even when you've truthfully only tried to help.

So what do you do next?

I suppose you give it time. I fully believe that time can heal a lot, but you can't just let space and time do all the work. Giving it time is not giving it up. You have to give an effort to move time faster, an effort that shows even with time passing, that you are here. Time is a lot of things, and one is certainly hurt. Sometimes I don't know how to handle it all, but you just do. You suck it up, you explain yourself, and you wait for people to believe and understand you. To believe what you say, instead of none of it.

My goal in life is to not hurt people. I will admit in my past that I have hurt plenty, and some I might have even hurt on purpose because they made me hurt, but I've grown since then. People grow into much bigger things, and they realize their mistakes. I want you to know that in my life now and forward, that I never meant to hurt anyone. There was no secret drive in me to hurt you or him or anyone else, but you see it that way. You don't see who is actually hurting you, who is actually hurting me, and who is not being honest with you. In life you can tell yourself, "believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear." but the reality is, that you have to believe someone along with yourself, and you can not always deny what you see right before your eyes.

Choosing is a process. It's not something you should do in a split second, it's something you should think about. Something that you really feel strongly for. When choosing who you trust in life, it's never easy. Right now I hurt, and maybe this article led absolutely nowhere, but I hope along the way of reading this, that you know it's okay to make mistakes. Everyone does. It's okay to wait and think about things, even if that's risking losing a strong relationship. People need time, including yourself, for everything. I hope you pulled out of here, that you should love a lot, not everyone a lot, but to be careful who you allow in your life to fully trust. And that even if this person you fully trust tells you something, maybe you should question it still. Because now, now I am something to somebody, that I am nothing close too. And I wish they would question the one who told them such terrible things. i wish they would question me and hear me out before creating hatred.

Always give multiple chances. It is better to be hurt a few more times, than to be a rock solid, emotionless person, who has no one but their own self. That is not life and love.

But of course, that's only my opinion.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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