Recently there has been a turn of events happen in my life. Literally went from A to Z in the matter of four months. If anyone has ever had this happen to them, you can definitely relate to the anxiety I have played tug a war with.
Living in a small town word seems to travel fast, faster than the action ever happened. Which is okay, what is that line…"If they are talking about me, they are leaving someone else alone!" Being talked about is no stranger to my life. It started when I was little and has continued its lifeless journey to adulthood. Honestly, the older you get the more it turns from anger and wondering why they have so much time on their hands to worry with me, to upset that you are putting all your effort into being a good person, why do they do this, to not really caring. I am firmly between being a good person and not caring.
Recently I have separated from my husband. No I will not go into detail, yes I still think he is a good person, yes I think he could be a better person in areas, and no I was not a perfect wife. I never imagined being married before 30, but at the young age of 25 I made my way down that isle at what I thought my forever would be. Events happened, days passed, happiness faded, love was so far gone you couldn't spark a dry leaf with it. Trouble water…what's that? I am a skilled sailor now. However, I have learned so much about me, those around me, and so much about how this world spins.
I have family that has completely crushed me. But hey, I have always been the fearless black sheep. So what do I do, fight my way through it and show no emotions. I'm really good at that. Is that the right way to handle it, um probably not, but it's my way, and I'm working on that. I have made and lost friends in that short amount of time. Then again, some people are only meant for that season. I made friends who I wonder how I ever lived without them. Rumors, oh my sweet heavens, how about them rumors. Do you have all day I can tell you about them? Just kidding, I don't even have all day.
Just as I mentioned above, some people are only meant to stay around for a season. If you are lucky enough, you learn something from it. What I learned is, I am strong, fearless, right, wrong, powerful, wordy, and a little bit weird. Ha! As bad as it hurts to have to let people go, or God remove them from my life, I have to remember there is a reason. The best part is what replaces them, friendships that make you feel like you belong. I promise some people in your life will say you are selfish, or wrong but on the other hand, if you can live with your decision, and know its right in your heart. What is stopping you for bettering yourself! Go for it sister.
