I will let you mistreat me, hurt me, and deceive me for days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years, but whenever I put my wall up, I'm officially done. You won't see me, communication will be closed, and I will no longer entertain you. I will still love you, pray for you, and wish the best for you but I will do it from a safe distance. A distance where you pushed me and I finally chose to stay.
There comes a time where you stop making excuses for someone's behavior and take them for who they are. Instead of focusing on the good times or what can be, reflect on how this person or situation affects you mentally, physically, and emotionally. With that being said, you have to also take into account that certain people wouldn't hurt you so badly if you didn't let them. Show yourself the love you show others and know when it's time to walk away.
The Time Trap
Some people believe, and I used to be one of those people, that just because someone has been a part of your life for an extended period of time that you have to accept things both healthy and unhealthy. It's as if family members and long time friends get these "free passes" to hurt you or bring you drama. It's like they've earned a right to disappoint you. For example, if your partner cheats on you and totally destroys your trust, people will instantly say "you've been together so long, you have to work it out" or "if he/she only messed up this one time then you should feel lucky." If you have a family member that verbally abuses you and treats you terribly, other family members will say "but that's your blood" and "you have to let it go because family is forever." People can make excuses if they want but that's ridiculous. The truth is that time, relation, and friendship are not excuses for any type of mistreatment ever. It doesn't matter the history or how long they've been a part of your life. If they are detrimental to your health, well being, or life, then you have to let them go. It will be hard, you will go through a roller coaster of emotions, but you have to realize that you are not selfishly giving up on someone or saying that you no longer care about them. You are securing your serenity and finally giving yourself a chance.Time is precious and it shouldn't be wasted on anyone or anything negative.
It's Not Selfishness, It's Self Preservation
Isn't it funny how our hearts and minds work. We allow people to mistreat us, we make excuses for them, and then still try to be good to them. They can hurt us, break us down, and abuse us and we just let it go like it's nothing. However, whenever we finally reach our breaking points and detach from those who hurt us, we are the ones with the guilt, the sleepless nights, and the worry. We worry how people view our decisions to put up boundaries,and even more so, we fear the opinion and wrath of the people that hurt us the most. That isn't fair and we need to stop thinking that way. It's imperative to remember that we are all human and are not God. We can't fix, change, or help people that don't want it for themselves and we can't drown ourselves because we simply want to uplift someone else. You can't free everyone but you certainly can free yourself. Pray for those who hurt you, love them from a distance, and remember that you deserve love, compassion, and peace as well.
The Beauty of Boundaries
I will not associate with people that hurt and drain me. I will not communicate with someone that attacks my character and belittles me. I refuse to condone unhealthy and disrespectful behaviors from anyone. Last, but certainly not least, I will not apologize for securing my inner peace and safety. It is not a crime or ugly to distance yourself or cut ties with a toxic person no matter who they are. What is wrong is to continue with a relationship that you know will destroy you. Boundaries aren't meant to hurt or alienate others, they are there to protect you. It doesn't matter if people understand it. What matters is that you are protected and happy.
Self growth and inner peace come with a lot of hard decisions and it's those hard decisions that help carry you through this thing called life. It's okay to say no, it's okay to leave a negative situation, and it's okay to have boundaries. The aim is to be your happiest and healthiest self, not to simply be a human puppet or doormat. What good is satisfying everyone else if you have to suffer? Be free, be confident, and be in control of your life at all times. You only have one life to live so live it to the fullest.