What's Your Relationship Status?
Start writing a post
Relationships

What's Your Relationship Status?

What "it's complicated" really means.

247
What's Your Relationship Status?
VH1

“I’m horny all the time, stop shaming me.”

My friend with benefits taught me that. We shouldn’t shame people for desiring physical affection.

Growing up in a Catholic environment, I was raised to believe that sex is for marriage. Period. End of story. So I grew up wanting just that. My high school boyfriend and I attended youth group together, helped lead confirmation classes and were an example for everyone else in youth group. We were committed to staying "pure."

For a multitude of reasons, I have found those sentiments to be extremely damaging. I respect that everyone has different reasons for wanting or not wanting to have sex, including ones that are religious. However, when I came to college I started to give myself the freedom to disagree with the beliefs with which I was raised.

Peggy Orenstein recently published a book called "Girls and Sex." It covers a wide range of issues about girls… and sex. If you haven’t read it yet, I would highly recommend it. In one of the chapters, she writes about the idea of abstinence and how sex is taught in America. Essentially, what she found was that having open conversations gives people choices and education to make informed choices.

One thing I wish I would have been informed about is the variety of relationships that a person can have. During college, I met someone that explained to me that relationships don’t have to be monogamous. Relationships don’t have to be polygamous either.

I always grew up thinking that I had to be completely committed to one person. Sex with one person, dates with one person, marriage with one person, texting one person. In college, I realized that many people would share those experiences with multiple people at the same time.

Colin Wright published a short book call "Some Thoughts About Relationships." Despite the length, there is a gold mine of simple yet profound thoughts about relationships. One of these is that “there are as many valid relationship types as there are people.” Despite what I learned growing up, and now as a theology major at a Catholic institution, I can’t believe that monogamy is the right answer for everyone.

At the beginning of my college career, one of my friends explained that she didn’t care if her friend with benefits slept with another girl. What she cared about was knowing and being honest. This concept blew my mind. How could a person possibly be ok with sharing intimate moments with someone, knowing that they would do the same with someone else. Didn’t that hurt her?

No.

Ok, so maybe it’s just because it’s only sex? No. Some people are completely fine with dating someone that is also dating someone else.

I used to think that this was just a disordered, disillusioned way of living. I was taught that. Now I realize that’s not the case.

In the past few months, I became aquatinted with someone that I loving know as a friend, that also shares pleasurable benefits with me. He explained to me that he was taking a year to be single to be able to engage in more intentional relationships, not just ones that appeared to be a good idea at first thought. But, he had learned and accepted about himself that he is a very physically affectionate individual. He doesn’t shame himself for that. He naturally desires to be with people, and he shows that physically.

Frequently I joke with him that I whore around. Every time I use a derogatory term for my sexual desires, he reprimands me. He then tells me to not feel guilty taking pleasure in people physically.

Going into relationships of any kind, especially intimate ones, there are expectations. But think about it, how many of these expectations are really important, or exactly what you want.

As unlikely as it seems, my friend with benefits taught me that relationships can be anything you want them to be. Don’t let society or anyone else tell you otherwise.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

931241
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

106426
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

46600
​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments